tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51551374527049778532024-02-06T18:35:29.971-08:00We Get ToAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-25963789280986462292014-02-14T19:09:00.002-08:002014-02-14T19:09:39.932-08:00
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It wasn't even noon yet, and the gifts I experienced today pretty sweet; quite appropriate for Valentine’s Day. The intention of this
blog is to share one of those gifts with you, with hope it's as sweet for you
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As often happens when I’m in my car driving, a new metaphor
came to me this morning. I had been reflecting on emotions. How we get to
experience all of them and none of them bad. How each of them show up in our
lives; some expected, some surprise guests. Each of them bear a gift of awareness
wrapped in a variety of different ways. Some are attractive and we want to play
with them. Some aren’t. We get to choose which guests we share the most time
with; which gifts we’ll use most. Yet it’s important we acknowledge all of them
before choosing. </div>
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As an inspirational speaker and perspective trainer, I get
to share my experience of life’s surprise party, the gifts I receive and how I
go about unwrapping them often. Frequently, I find myself wondering what people
think as I express my authentic gratitude and joy. It’s easy for me to be happy
when I’m getting to share Jonnae’s life story and mine. It’s natural for me to
radiate positive energy and hope when I’m getting to do what I love to do. When
audiences aren’t seeing the other emotions I get to experience, how do I let
them know I can relate to the not so fun feelings we have. How do I relay to
them the manner in which I experience the guests of sorrow and frustration
bearing gifts of heartache and struggle?</div>
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A new metaphor to aid me in translation came. When we
experience a tangle in our hair, we use a comb to work it out and get rid of
it. If we don’t, eventually that small tangle will grow into a massive mess,
much harder to manage. Once we’ve worked the tangle out, we set the comb down.
We don’t carry it around all day, just waiting for another tangle to form. This
would hinder the use of our hand in creating or working on something else. </div>
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If we don’t work through the nasty feelings or emotions we
feel as they arise, they manifest into something much bigger. These guests who
aren’t so fun to sit with; the gifts they bring that we didn’t ask for or want,
won’t overstay their welcome, if we just deal with them before they take up an
unwelcome residence. </div>
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There are mornings, I wake up with tangles of emotion that’s
are naturally a result of Jonnae’s Leukemia and “Heavenly Birth.” Hair for the
most part is beautiful; tangles just come with it. Some beautiful styles are even
created with tangled, teased or knotted hair. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>;) I believe the same is true of Jonnae’s, my
and all of our life stories. They are beautiful. We get to choose the styles we
create with them. Most of the time, we probably won’t want to incorporate
tangles, but there may be times we choose to. If tangled isn’t what we want to
experience, we get to pick up our emotional, spiritual, perspective combs and
work them out before they become a mess. When I’m out enjoying my day, if an
unwanted tangle presents itself, I pull out the tools I’m blessed to always have
in my possession and work through it on the spot. This is what consistently
allows me to create beautiful fun days. </div>
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I hope this metaphor blesses you with something that allows
you to do the same, should beautiful and fun, and something less messy, be what
you desire to create. :D </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-3706777173625165502013-12-24T10:45:00.004-08:002013-12-24T10:45:55.176-08:00Christmas Presence
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During the Christmas season of 2007 a very special teen’s
bone marrow transplant took place. A few months later, her doctor called to
report the transplant was unsuccessful. Today, I get to report the healing intended
to take place with the bone marrow transplant didn’t happen, but another
healing did. The bone marrow transplant didn’t prove to be successful, but what
were was the eye, ear, brain and heart transplants that ensued because of it.
I’m not talking about a donation of Jonnae’s organs. The chemo and radiation
she’d undergone to beat “Leuk” made it impossible for to offer organs. I’m
talking about transplants that happened within me. Because of my daughter’s 3
year battle with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, I have new eyes through which I
see; new ears through which I hear; a new way of thinking with a ‘transplanted’
mind and a new heart through which I love. All combine to create an enhanced
life experience beyond human understanding. I’m forever grateful for the gifts
I continue to experience, courtesy of a life so beautifully lived by a daughter
so beautifully healed.</div>
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Once her leukemia diagnosis came, Jonnae’s body never really
healed, but her spirit sure did. Our spirits are way more valuable than our
bodies. The body has an end, the spirit lives on. (Some may feel the need to
argue this point. If this is you, please finish reading first!) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Most only know of the valiant spirit Jonnae had during her
battle with Leuk. Few know of the victim she was in the 6<sup>th</sup> grade
when leukemia first took up residence in her broken body. I haven’t given voice
to the bullying that was happening to her in that transitional year from 5<sup>th</sup>
grade to middle school. Girls can be so caddy. We all know this! For years, I
did not want to feed the guilt and shame I knew must be eating at the girls
responsible for the nastiness that sent my daughter home from school crying
every day. At the time, it didn’t matter if the world knew about it, the girls
did. I believe Jonnae’s broken spirit is what led to the ‘broken body’ where Leuk
chose to reside. (This could be a topic of an entirely different blog but
because this is MY belief, I refused to break down the spirit of the girls and contribute
to their suffering. There will be a time and place to share those stories and
shine a different light on bullying later.)</div>
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The reason I am writing this particular blog is to celebrate
the gifts I’ve received in the continuing classroom of life this year (6 years
after that Christmas of life changing transplants). I do not want a single Christmas
season to pass, where I don’t sit still long enough to reflect on the life I
get to live, and lessons learned. Because of the stillness and sometimes
surprising sweetness of that Christmas hospital stay where Jonnae and I were
cut off from the world, both of our spirits were healed. As a matter of fact, I
try to explain my craving (of course not wanting it delivered or wrapped in the
same way) for a Christmas season of separateness from a world that mostly does
not see, hear, think or love from the same place I do, particularly this time
of year.</div>
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This is not an egotistical perspective. I’m not out to prove
myself right or convert others to my beliefs. (Because it’s so common when one
shares from the heart publicly, and I just experienced this very thing earlier
in the week with a Facebook post, please do not interpret this blog as an
invitation where you are welcome to come in and attempt to do that with me.) Humility
is a gift I’m most grateful to get to experience. I still have much to learn
and improve on and not only am I fully aware of that, I’m eager to get on with
it. My transplanted eyes, ears, mind and heart did not come from a human being
or teacher, they came from the Ultimate Creator and I choose to let the
refinement of me continue the same way. No substitute teacher need try to edge God
out and teach me their beliefs their way. As I mentioned in the piece I wrote
earlier this week, whether the test here or the grade ‘there’, I’m not afraid
of failure or making the Teacher’s grade. The One to whom I’m most accountable,
loves and understands me and will judge me accordingly. My Teacher is loving,
compassionate, forgiving and patient and knows my heart the way no human being
can. I’m at peace with that! It may be challenged, but it wins and remains.</div>
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So draining, detrimental and depressing to witness the
desperate need of so many to prove they are right and have a need to defend
themselves in their stance. Pre-leukemia I was of that camp. Judging, righteous
and fueled with the belief I was right and had to convert people to the
‘enlightened’ side. If you choose to be there, I’m not judging you for it. It’s
your life! We each GET to choose where we camp out to experience it. We each
get to move freely when we want to camp somewhere different. My choice is to
share life, love and compassion with ALL, regardless who they are with and
where they camp. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I choose not to fight
about how we are different, but rather to focus on how we are the same. We are
here at the same time, sharing the same life and sharing the same struggles and
suffering. Even if they come from the different places, they are the same in
how we feel them. What I choose as my role while here (actually I believe I’ve
been called to it) is to increase healing and happiness in the same surprising
way I’ve experienced it. Instead of remaining on the side of struggle and
suffering caused from focus on whose with who, I chose to focus on Who I’m with.
I left who I was following and learning from, and choose the One calling me to
follow and listen.</div>
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God has held me over in the classrooms of Perspective,
Peace, Love, Compassion and Forgiveness. I’m glad I no longer am in the
classroom of Fighting to be Right, Fighting to Convert and Fighting to Hold
Others Accountable (especially when its enough to deal with my own accountability
and remember Who I’m accountable to.) In listening, I’m being told not to Fight
to be Right (if you are, go for it, just don’t use your energy to pick a fight
with me. I no longer participate in expending my energy that way.) I used to
hear the bell ring and you better believe I went to swinging. I’m no longer
interested in stepping in the ring to fuel the fight and struggle. </div>
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I’m being called to humility. We don’t know what we don’t
know. (and even what we think we KNOW, we most certainly can be wrong) I’m okay
with asking questions and either having multiple answers or no answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day, I seek to learn where I have more
to learn. And as a review of 2013 will reveal, even when I’m not seeking it,
Life will give me a lesson. The teaching has not come from the world, but from
the One who created the world and who sat with me when I was cut off from the
world during Christmas of 2007. In the midst of unimaginable struggle and
suffering, I was given the gift of a miraculous peace. </div>
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God has never left me! When I struggle now, my peace immediately
returns when my Accountability Partner, Judge, Teacher, and One who loves me
above ALL whispers in the stillness to me… “You are enough. You are
appreciated. You are supported, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you
are valued as a ‘player on My team!’ I’ll continue to learn and will continue
to contribute to healing and happiness as lessons are presented to me to use in
my active examples of using them. Don’t think for one second I’m not through
out the day, every day, checking in to reconfirm over and over all of the
above! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I love; that I’m
compassionate; that I’m forgiving; that I’m not judging; that I’m increasing
healing and happiness and that I’m open to growth and being more of each, every
day in every way. </div>
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So, with the heart and mind of an eager child, on this eve
of my 46<sup>th</sup> birthday and Christmas, I’ll go to bed with visions
dancing in my head and a hard time going to sleep, wondering if a miracle
awaits me on Christmas. My dreams are wildly imaginative,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>if one doesn’t come true tomorrow, the
resounding reminder to BELIEVE has definitely taken root more these last few
months than ever….and so I do!!!!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-48287961597439974372013-09-04T05:00:00.001-07:002013-09-04T05:07:38.556-07:00Almanac of My Soul<style>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO6w209VRCFZxcWa6kTFWp4xrL-LcHkrekBjunNcOaIiGyHTnjlm69bziX1p77oTozfnXbqcru2r9RCrLQxsnn5XkronJLx4cHQy65vqBjnTer5Usfc8YMX67SjLvp6K5tXZGZJYTGq6hP/s1600/images-1.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO6w209VRCFZxcWa6kTFWp4xrL-LcHkrekBjunNcOaIiGyHTnjlm69bziX1p77oTozfnXbqcru2r9RCrLQxsnn5XkronJLx4cHQy65vqBjnTer5Usfc8YMX67SjLvp6K5tXZGZJYTGq6hP/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of days ago, one might have expected an emotional
storm would be passing through. When I awoke on Sept 2, realizing it would have
been Jonnae’s 21<sup>st</sup> birthday, my prediction reported only 20% chance precipitation
might grace my face and if it did, a little tear fall wouldn’t be enough to
spoil the gift of the day or anything contained within it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It just struck me this morning how my life is it’s own
Almanac. There are annual dates and events that are easily foreseen and come with
predictions. I even have a book for reference if I want to consult it for tips.
The annual dates are forever marked and result in an eclipse of sorts. (When
these type metaphors arise, I embrace and use them, the best I can, to
communicate a perspective being offered me.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An eclipse is defined as a:the total or partial obscuring of
one celestial body by another or b: the passing into the shadow of a celestial
body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>c: falling into obscurity or
decline. An eclipse is a beautiful way to define what’s happening with me on
these dates. As the present moves through the shadow of the past there’s a
temporary obscurity that happens with my spirit. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today is another one of those recorded annual dates that
comes with a prediction. Although tear fall isn’t expected, cloudiness is. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Sept 4, 2007, just 2 days after Jonnae’s 15<sup>th</sup>
birthday, we went in for her first routine follow up post chemo. She was one
month out from having received her last chemo. I picked her up from school (she
was only one week in to her freshman year) and we headed to the doctor’s office.
The medical staff all came in to congratulate her. Blood was drawn. And off we
went back to school, discussing in the car the huge survivor party that was
going to be taking place that weekend. She had been planning it for 2 years and
the time for it had come now that her 2 ½ year protocol of chemo and radiation
was behind us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The day continued with normalcy. That evening I had a
scheduled bike ride as part of my training for a Leukemia Lymphoma Triathlon
that was now only a couple of weeks a way. Something I had signed up to do, to
commemorate Jonnae crossing her cancer finish line in victory. Once the bike
ride was over, I checked my phone and had 10 missed calls. Jonnae and the
doctor had tried several times to call me, neither leaving a message. I called
Jonnae first and she said she was starting to freak out. The doctor had called
the house also and simply told her to have me call him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The follow up ended up not being routine at all. The doctor
let me know how sorry he was before he let me know Jonnae’s blood already had
leukemia cells again. He asked me about her siblings for bone marrow
possibilities and let me know they’d be doing a bone marrow aspiration in the
morning to confirm ‘leuk’ was back. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For all the good memories there are to associate with
Jonnae’s birthday on Sept 2, and even with the gratitude I have for what all
her battle with “leuk’ taught me and the gift it continues to be for all I get
to share it with, the darkness of that day is forever etched on Sept 4. Doesn’t
mean I won’t experience the beauty of the Son shining today. Doesn’t’ mean I
won’t create new memories and stay focused on the present. Just mean’s the
Almanac of my Soul reports there will be intermittent cloudiness for the next
several weeks, as those memories and dates are pretty consistent this time of
year. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All that being said, there’s nothing stopping me, or YOU,
from looking for and counting<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
blessings that are new, that await us in the gift of TODAY. So along with my ‘spirit
report’ that’s what I’m advising. Focus on what you GET to experience today.
Regardless of how it’s wrapped; regardless of it being what you asked for or
not; simply see it for the gift it is and say ‘thank you’ Life’s surprise party
is much more enjoyable that way! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-30352452845163531132013-04-14T07:41:00.002-07:002013-04-14T07:41:55.938-07:00Energy in MotionSeveral weeks ago my spirit drank in every word <a class="g-profile" href="http://plus.google.com/114876242718702985306" target="_blank">+Panache Desai</a> poured
out in an interview led by <a class="g-profile" href="http://plus.google.com/114674624272887355532" target="_blank">+Oprah Winffrey</a> on Super Soul Sunday. I'm
paraphrasing, but what I recall him saying is, "At the core we are ALL
energy. EVERY emotion we experience is simply our energy wanting to
move."<br />
<br />
So as tears streamed down my face at a wedding yesterday, I didn't reach
to wipe a single one away. I was present to each drop as it welled out
of my eye, flowed down my cheek, fell off my chin and onto my chest
where 'the Holy Spirit lovingly captured them to water the garden of my
soul.' ( - another paraphrase from the book "The Shack" words my soul
instantly embraced to forever change the way I experience tears-
differently and beautifully!) <br />
<br />
Yesterday's wedding was that of my daughter Jonnae's best friend. On one
of the final days Jonnae and I got to share on this earth in physical
body, both of us lying in my bed, Jonnae spoke up softly to break the
silence between us, "I thought I was going to get married and have a
family." The break in my heart tore open even more as I fought back
tears (this is before I had read "The Shack") I was struggling to keep
solid footing on The ROCK of which I was determined to stand, when these
words came from Heaven to deliver us both PEACE. Miraculously I said,
"The Bridegroom you are getting ready to meet is better than any man you
would have met on earth." I'll never forget the power of that moment! I
drew on it yesterday as I watched Maria, wearing Jonnae's tiara, come
down the aisle; a river of tears flowing freely down my face.<br />
<br />
<i>Flashback: Nearly 5 years ago, my dear friend, Jami mailed a
package to Jonnae with accessories for her to wear to her "Celebration
of Life" (This celebration was a gift from Heaven as well. The idea was
whispered within me one day as Hosparus left, "There is nothing
traditional about you and Jonnae. Neither of you like the sorrow filled
funerals with focus on the end of an earthly life. Choose instead, a
want to celebrate the gift of her life on earth and the result of it's
ending, meaning a new beginning for her in Heaven." When the thought was
first presented, my human, people-pleasing mind responded with the
suggestion that family and friends would not embrace or agree with the
idea. My faith filled convicting spirit immediately decided it didn't
care. This "Celebration of Life" would replace a traditional viewing
after 'death'. I announced the idea and event details on a community web
page (this was before FaceBook if you can imagine) A day or so before
the "Celebration of Life" a box arrived. It contained a beautiful tiara
with a note - "for you to remember you're a princess of the Risen King."
Jonnae wore it to her special 'send off' event where hundreds flocked
to show her love and celebrate "Heaven's newest star" at a red carpet
premier of her video tribute. The event theme created for her as a
result of a dream she'd had of her being 'a star.' I'll never forget
feeling the 'heartbeat of Heaven' as we wheeled her into @The Grand
theater. The simultaneous clapping of those hundreds who'd gathered
created a vibration of Love that was palpable in our hearts.</i><br />
<br />
A month or so ago, when I first received the wedding invitation from
Maria, I instantly felt a resistance to going. I'd pretty much decided I
was not going to face whatever emotion await me at the wedding of one
of Jonnae's best friends. Days before the wedding, out of the blue I
heard the inner voice suggest I offer Jonnae's tiara to Maria as her
'something borrowed' for her wedding day. <i>(out of the blue...out of left field...since the time one popped up
to suggest a "Celebration of Life" for Jonnae, I've come to recognize
those whispers from the core of my being as 'plays being called by my
'Head Coach') </i>My human mind attempted a rebuttal, "Offering Jonnae's
tiara may have a counter effect of sadness and not result in the
sweetness the offer intends. Also, Maria may feel obligated out of guilt
to say yes to me, when it's really not something she wants. I'm not
going to put her in that position." I let the thought go. Then as God
would have it, the idea found it's way into a conversation I was having
with a mutual friend. (Jonnae and Maria had been babysitters for her
children.) She thought it was a lovely idea and offered to bring it up
to Maria, dismantling the 'obligation to me as Jonnae's mom' excuse I
had been hiding behind. (I say hiding because ends up the truth of the
matter was I knew if I offered the tiara and Maria said yes, it would
commit me to attending the wedding.) <br />
<br />
The knew the idea was proposed to Maria the night before the wedding,
but I hadn't heard back from her and was not pushing for an answer. As a
matter of fact, yesterday morning with the wedding only a couple of
hours out, I was not ready when I got a call from her at the church,
"Could you bring Jonnae's tiara by and let the photographer take a
picture of you putting it on my head?" WOW! It was going to happen AND I
was not ready. I didn't doubt my spirit was ready, even though I'd
resisted. It's shown me time and time again over the last 8 years it has
no fear...when left to it's lead, my spirit leaps in faith every time.
Even if my spirit was ready, I wasn't ready physically - as in showered,
dressed, made up...(this is the beauty of having lost 25 lbs in 2
months and still having no hair as a result of participating in @St
Baldricks 3 weeks ago. I can grab anything I want to wear and it fits
and there's no hair to fix - cuts prep time and stress because of it
tremendously ;) I headed down to the church with my daughter Lydia,
delivered the tiara, took the picture, hugged and loved on Maria and
headed off to take Lydia to her ballgame before my return to church for
the wedding. There was a small well up of tears as the tip of
bittersweet reality poked through but I was relieved it wasn't a current
so swift or 'out of control'<br />
<br />
Lydia and I got back in the car and headed to the school where her team
and bus await. As we drove away from the church, where the wedding would
take place and where Jonnae's body was buried, I kept hearing Jonnae's
words, "I thought I was going to get married and have a family." My
thoughts pulled in Maria is getting married and has the family Jonnae
dreamed of. She has a 2 month old baby and a husband that exudes
authentic love and commitment to her and their daughter. As a human
being...a mother... of course an onset of emotion (energy that wanted to
move and propel my spirit forward if I allowed and didn't fight it, was
knocking on the door of my heart). Whether I would welcome the guest of
sorrow to visit wasn't a question...the Universe took care of blowing
the door wide open for me.<br />
<br />
With my thoughts still on the wedding, the tiara, Jonnae's words, Lydia
and I were at a stop sign awaiting traffic to pass, so I could pull out
onto the highway. The nose of my car was out a bit more than it should
have been, not dangerously so, just not making it easy for the car
turning left on the road we were on to do so without going a wee bit
further past our car to do so. The driver made an angry gesture at me as
she turned in. That's all it took, the dam broke and the first wave of
rushing tears flowed. Lydia said, "Mom. You're the only person I know
who cries as a result of road rage."She has witnessed my resulting
sadness from a driver's rage aimed at me before. I tried to explain. I
began with how sad it is when I see my children treating each other in a
way that's not loving. I explained how my thoughts were first on the
wedding, tiara, her sister Jonnae and my mind not completely on the
driving. I was out a little more than I should have been, but not so
much so that it should have evoked the anger and toxic energy of the
woman who'd been so nasty with her response to it. How are we so
mindless that we don't take into consideration what another person might
be going through to result in the human experience or exchange the way
it's playing out? I told Lydia, I'm shedding tears I was trying to keep
at bay from the memories, as well as tears for how God must feel when He
looks down on this earth and sees His children behaving so badly
towards one another. That woman doesn't know me, or my intentions, to
act out that way towards me. I've become mindful of that unknowing of
what another being is going through. I don't let a few extra minutes at a
stop sign, or in traffic begrunt me so much that I contaminate the
space around me with anger. Jill Bolte Taylor has said, "we are
responsible for the energy we bring into a space" and even when it's
between two vehicles, in an encounter with a stranger, I will not pour
out toxic anger and negative energy over something so small as a few
seconds or minutes. That being said, I pray for the person who does, for
they must be really hurting or struggling to go off so quickly with
such nasty energy. And then I give thanks, that I choose not to live my
life that way, to expel or contaminate a space with less than loving
energy.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, hours after I was home from the wedding, the
tears still flowed and I let them. There's much I can not change about
the past, or even instantaneously about the present. However, I do know
energy is at the core of our being, and it's wanting to move forward.
(Remember F.R.O.G - Fully Rely on God and frogs don't move backwards).
Embrace the energy wanting to move and the emotion it's choosing to do
so. One thing I know for sure - struggling to keep emotion contained
does not let energy flow and blocking energy is no way to propel forward
and LIVE!!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-34751895863122947772013-04-14T07:35:00.000-07:002013-04-14T07:35:21.034-07:00Energy in MotionSeveral weeks ago my spirit drank in every word @Panache Desai poured out in an interview led by @Oprah Winfrey on @Super Soul Sunday. I'm paraphrasing, but what I recall him saying is, "At the core we are ALL energy. EVERY emotion we experience is simply our energy wanting to move."<br />
<br />
So as tears streamed down my face at a wedding yesterday, I didn't reach to wipe a single one away. I was present to each drop as it welled out of my eye, flowed down my cheek, fell off my chin and onto my chest where 'the Holy Spirit lovingly captured them to water the garden of my soul.' ( - another paraphrase from the book @The Shack; words my soul instantly embraced to forever change the way I experience tears- differently and beautifully!) <br />
<br />
Yesterday's wedding was that of my daughter Jonnae's best friend. On one of the final days Jonnae and I got to share on this earth in physical body, both of us lying in my bed, Jonnae spoke up softly to break the silence between us, "I thought I was going to get married and have a family." The break in my heart tore open even more as I fought back tears (this is before I had read "The Shack") I was struggling to keep solid footing on The ROCK of which I was determined to stand, when these words came from Heaven to deliver us both PEACE. Miraculously I said, "The Bridegroom you are getting ready to meet is better than any man you would have met on earth." I'll never forget the power of that moment! I drew on it yesterday as I watched Maria, wearing Jonnae's tiara, come down the aisle; a river of tears flowing freely down my face.<br />
<br />
<i>Flashback: Nearly 5 years ago, a dear friend, @Jami Ronda, mailed a package to Jonnae with accessories for her to wear to her "Celebration of Life" (This celebration was a gift from Heaven as well. The idea was whispered within me one day as Hosparus left, "There is nothing traditional about you and Jonnae. Neither of you like the sorrow filled funerals with focus on the end of an earthly life. Choose instead, a want to celebrate the gift of her life on earth and the result of it's ending, meaning a new beginning for her in Heaven." When the thought was first presented, my human, people-pleasing mind responded with the suggestion that family and friends would not embrace or agree with the idea. My faith filled convicting spirit immediately decided it didn't care. This "Celebration of Life" would replace a traditional viewing after 'death'. I announced the idea and event details on a community web page (this was before FaceBook if you can imagine) A day or so before the "Celebration of Life" a box arrived. It contained a beautiful tiara with a note - "for you to remember you're a princess of the Risen King." Jonnae wore it to her special 'send off' event where hundreds flocked to show her love and celebrate "Heaven's newest star" at a red carpet premier of her video tribute. The event theme created for her as a result of a dream she'd had of her being 'a star.' I'll never forget feeling the 'heartbeat of Heaven' as we wheeled her into @The Grand theater. The simultaneous clapping of those hundreds who'd gathered created a vibration of Love that was palpable in our hearts.</i><br />
<br />
A month or so ago, when I first received the wedding invitation from Maria, I instantly felt a resistance to going. I'd pretty much decided I was not going to face whatever emotion await me at the wedding of one of Jonnae's best friends. Days before the wedding, out of the blue I heard the inner voice suggest I offer Jonnae's tiara to Maria as her 'something borrowed' for her wedding day. <i>(out of the blue...out of left field...since the time one popped up
to suggest a "Celebration of Life" for Jonnae, I've come to recognize
those whispers from the core of my being as 'plays being called by my
'Head Coach') </i>My human mind attempted a rebuttal, "Offering Jonnae's tiara may have a counter effect of sadness and not result in the sweetness the offer intends. Also, Maria may feel obligated out of guilt to say yes to me, when it's really not something she wants. I'm not going to put her in that position." I let the thought go. Then as God would have it, the idea found it's way into a conversation I was having with a mutual friend. (Jonnae and Maria had been babysitters for her children.) She thought it was a lovely idea and offered to bring it up to Maria, dismantling the 'obligation to me as Jonnae's mom' excuse I had been hiding behind. (I say hiding because ends up the truth of the matter was I knew if I offered the tiara and Maria said yes, it would commit me to attending the wedding.) <br />
<br />
The knew the idea was proposed to Maria the night before the wedding, but I hadn't heard back from her and was not pushing for an answer. As a matter of fact, yesterday morning with the wedding only a couple of hours out, I was not ready when I got a call from her at the church, "Could you bring Jonnae's tiara by and let the photographer take a picture of you putting it on my head?" WOW! It was going to happen AND I was not ready. I didn't doubt my spirit was ready, even though I'd resisted. It's shown me time and time again over the last 8 years it has no fear...when left to it's lead, my spirit leaps in faith every time. Even if my spirit was ready, I wasn't ready physically - as in showered, dressed, made up...(this is the beauty of having lost 25 lbs in 2 months and still having no hair as a result of participating in @St Baldricks 3 weeks ago. I can grab anything I want to wear and it fits and there's no hair to fix - cuts prep time and stress because of it tremendously ;) I headed down to the church with my daughter Lydia, delivered the tiara, took the picture, hugged and loved on Maria and headed off to take Lydia to her ballgame before my return to church for the wedding. There was a small well up of tears as the tip of bittersweet reality poked through but I was relieved it wasn't a current so swift or 'out of control'<br />
<br />
Lydia and I got back in the car and headed to the school where her team and bus await. As we drove away from the church, where the wedding would take place and where Jonnae's body was buried, I kept hearing Jonnae's words, "I thought I was going to get married and have a family." My thoughts pulled in Maria is getting married and has the family Jonnae dreamed of. She has a 2 month old baby and a husband that exudes authentic love and commitment to her and their daughter. As a human being...a mother... of course an onset of emotion (energy that wanted to move and propel my spirit forward if I allowed and didn't fight it, was knocking on the door of my heart). Whether I would welcome the guest of sorrow to visit wasn't a question...the Universe took care of blowing the door wide open for me.<br />
<br />
With my thoughts still on the wedding, the tiara, Jonnae's words, Lydia and I were at a stop sign awaiting traffic to pass, so I could pull out onto the highway. The nose of my car was out a bit more than it should have been, not dangerously so, just not making it easy for the car turning left on the road we were on to do so without going a wee bit further past our car to do so. The driver made an angry gesture at me as she turned in. That's all it took, the dam broke and the first wave of rushing tears flowed. Lydia said, "Mom. You're the only person I know who cries as a result of road rage."She has witnessed my resulting sadness from a driver's rage aimed at me before. I tried to explain. I began with how sad it is when I see my children treating each other in a way that's not loving. I explained how my thoughts were first on the wedding, tiara, her sister Jonnae and my mind not completely on the driving. I was out a little more than I should have been, but not so much so that it should have evoked the anger and toxic energy of the woman who'd been so nasty with her response to it. How are we so mindless that we don't take into consideration what another person might be going through to result in the human experience or exchange the way it's playing out? I told Lydia, I'm shedding tears I was trying to keep at bay from the memories, as well as tears for how God must feel when He looks down on this earth and sees His children behaving so badly towards one another. That woman doesn't know me, or my intentions, to act out that way towards me. I've become mindful of that unknowing of what another being is going through. I don't let a few extra minutes at a stop sign, or in traffic begrunt me so much that I contaminate the space around me with anger. @Jill Bolte Taylor has said, "we are responsible for the energy we bring into a space" and even when it's between two vehicles, in an encounter with a stranger, I will not pour out toxic anger and negative energy over something so small as a few seconds or minutes. That being said, I pray for the person who does, for they must be really hurting or struggling to go off so quickly with such nasty energy. And then I give thanks, that I choose not to live my life that way, to expel or contaminate a space with less than loving energy.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, hours after I was home from the wedding, the tears still flowed and I let them. There's much I can not change about the past, or even instantaneously about the present. However, I do know energy is at the core of our being, and it's wanting to move forward. (Remember F.R.O.G - Fully Rely on God and frogs don't move backwards). Embrace the energy wanting to move and the emotion it's choosing to do so. One thing I know for sure - struggling to keep emotion contained does not let energy flow and blocking energy is no way to propel forward and LIVE!!!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-63828613785875526922012-10-26T04:59:00.001-07:002012-10-26T04:59:15.955-07:00Will the Help Ever Come?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAkyPDRwRCwqC2wv97bCNBop6qujg5PHVv2axx0kt2-Pslh5sZTrqhzmB6IAaohYWXjOtRD-4WRMCLCTeymylNgBnZzxVIlG74mX5Bd8qbHFqFfwVVXfwCDSvj9qtN1w1Mr0ykknKPEOW/s1600/photo(52).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAkyPDRwRCwqC2wv97bCNBop6qujg5PHVv2axx0kt2-Pslh5sZTrqhzmB6IAaohYWXjOtRD-4WRMCLCTeymylNgBnZzxVIlG74mX5Bd8qbHFqFfwVVXfwCDSvj9qtN1w1Mr0ykknKPEOW/s320/photo(52).JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
A dear neighbor dropped a package off in my mailbox several
weeks back. She had been introduced to a nonprofit group, “Parents Left
Behind.” It made her think of me so she picked up a tshirt, wristband and
postcard about the organization and delivered it to me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love surprise gifts of thoughtfulness. We as her family, I
as her mother, Jonnae as the warrior who was impacting many through her cancer
battle, got to experience surprise gifts of thoughtfulness, support and love abundantly
during her final days on earth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although I truly felt the love being offered through the thoughtfulness
and support this special woman gifted me, I tried several times to put that
tshirt on and could not. It was like kryptonite to Super Man. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not that I can’t put them on because of the pain they
feed, I will not put them on because I don’t think them, believe them, feel
them or speak them; quite the opposite actually. (This is my feeling. I’m not
suggesting any parent who feels differently is wrong.) We’re differently wired
people; we see things in different ways. I choose to see from a perspective
that is empowering. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s where my
experience in perspective training kicks in. I’m a “words of affirmation” being.
(I learned this about myself through reading <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘The Five Love Languages”- short read, simple
concept and life changing enlightenment) I’m compelled to love through
affirmation with my words. I love life, myself, my daughter and God in such a
way that I affirm through my words that I embrace the gift of all experiences
in life, including the parts that were painful in Jonnae’s and letting her go.
Not every gift comes in an attractive package. I’ve certainly taken my time
with the difficult embrace of some of those gifts. When it comes to the gift of
Jonnae’s life, I choose to emphasize what was gained through it, not what was
lost. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I choose to emphasize the
blessings born of her journey. What was lost was a physical being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What was gained and continues to live are
memories, lessons, legacy, her spiritual presence (which will be with me
forever) and Mercy and Grace! I do not believe I was left behind…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I go through periods where I feel like a mother left
behind…not by a child, or by God, but by a community that was present and no
longer is in the same way. I have struggled with this most viciously, wrestling
with it to the point of being on my knees in tears and completely exhausted.
This turmoil of emotions, wanting help in furthering the mission that began
through Jonnae’s leukemia battle and feeling like the help will never come…like
the help that was present is what has left me behind, became most evident when
I witnessed a nation rallying to support a local mother who’d lost her legs and
more recently as a world holds up a family who’s son with cancer inspired many
before his ‘Heavenly Birth’. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The support
my spirit craves appears it’s left me and I see it happening elsewhere. I’m
grateful, truly, my empathetic heart cries tears of joy when I witness the love
and support others are experiencing and then it seems as those joyful tears
turn to sorrowful, tired ones. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Earth
School</i> can be excruciatingly painful and beautifully humbling at the same
time. Not just for a parent letting go of limbs or a child…for EVERYONE!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes I feel as if I’m out in this vast ocean of water
and can see ‘heaven on earth’ on the coast at a far far away distance. Even
though I have a life saver to cling to, I wonder if I’ll ever make it to solid
ground, where I can stand and play or lie down to rest and not fear I’m going
to become too tired and drowned. Sometimes it feels as though big boats are
pulling up to others to tow them in or pull them up on board so they coast the
rest of the way in with a team of people to take care of them, play with them
and keep company with them and I’m being left behind…Not a parent left
behind...a community/family member being left behind. That’s just where I am. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I get to work my perseverance muscles, my fortitude, my
faith, and my focus multiple times a day. There have been innings where I
lasted a long time, with several hits including grand slams, and innings where
it’s 9 strikes and over. Lately, there have been more of the latter kind. I’m
in a bit of a slump…and those happen in the ‘game of life’ I’ll recover and be
back to my mojo game in due time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been hosting a radio show that airs daily at
www.newstalk 1570.com. Just today I admitted I dance through the storms of my
life just fine. I grow weary during the droughts to the point I’m not sure I’m
going to make it through. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a player in this ‘game.’ I’m not the coach, manager, or
owner. Those positions and the rest of the ones on the field get to be filled
before the game can actually even get started. The drought has occurred in me
trying to do too much on my own, as I’ve not got the team necessary to play, to
grow this mission, nonprofit, and We GET To programming. The vision is so
grand; the partnerships and participation to make it happen is absent.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Jonnae with her leaders of Mercy and Grace continue to
visit me and prevail, they paid me a visit early yesterday morning as I stayed
up through the 2<sup>nd</sup> hour of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>2a.m Thursday morning was when The Crucible began for the “Mike Company”
of the 3<sup>rd</sup> Recruit Battalion of Platoon 3086 at the Marine Bootcamp
of Parris Island. My middle child and middle son, Austin began the 54 hour
grueling final test of his experience as a recruit at 2am with his platoon and
I wanted to be up praying for him (them). With a rush of awareness and
perspective, the Holy Spirit began breathing new life into me. I wept tears of
sorrow for taking my eyes off the Coach and forgetting the promises He’s made
me. I wept tears of amazement and joy as I found myself back on the Rock and no
longer on shifting sand. I inhaled long breaths of all that is love and exhaled
everything else that is not. The dark clouds blew away instantly! It’s
predicted to rain today…I’ll receive the ‘Living Water’ and proclaim the
drought is coming to an end.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s quite possible another will happen at some point.
That’s the law of nature. Prayerfully, I’ll remember what I offer others…the
SON is always shining even when we can’t see Him above us or through the
darkness the clouds create. Even when I feel left behind by a sizable community
that was there to support me in every way possible, I still get to experience help
in other ways. I get to be reminded, as I have been in the last 24 hours, I am
never alone, I’ll never be left behind! </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-60465800456112980142012-09-02T13:57:00.001-07:002012-09-02T13:57:18.028-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1fOMp3yV2bu6jMSRp-aa16dJZmK_7hIOtyns2AuddQgcDN_nmbMfK6FLjdPdQgWtY4rbLFAv33wbhbX9AUvDPnd-VJdELfi1T4TIIWwbqC1g6SVcseWdNyAdCGQFHuzBJihDFDR7FHuxs/s1600/323happy_birthday_from_us_all_balloon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1fOMp3yV2bu6jMSRp-aa16dJZmK_7hIOtyns2AuddQgcDN_nmbMfK6FLjdPdQgWtY4rbLFAv33wbhbX9AUvDPnd-VJdELfi1T4TIIWwbqC1g6SVcseWdNyAdCGQFHuzBJihDFDR7FHuxs/s320/323happy_birthday_from_us_all_balloon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Jonnae would be 20 years old today, possibly fearing a return of leukemia or experiencing long term side effects of the chemo that rid her of it. Instead, she is ageless and perfect experiencing eternal life in Heaven. As is the case with every special day that reflects a significant memory she and I got to create together, I celebrate! No need, or desire, to mourn a life well lived and the impact it continues to have on so many, myself included. As she and God would have it, I'm not only being gifted a special day today to reflect upon her birth and celebrate her earthly life, I'm about to experience an entire week of great surprises and shared gifts. This Tuesday, Sept 4 is the launch of my new daily radio talk show on 1570 WNDA. (Wherever you are, you can tune in live from 10-11a.m. EST with a WiFi connection via phone, iPad, or computer. Here's the link <a href="http://www.newstalk1570.com/">http://www.newstalk1570.com/</a>) <br />
<br />
The way this opportunity unfolded, and everything about it's first week, is providence. I imagine the whole of the talk show experience will be directed in the same way. I'm eager to see what this chapter of the journey reveals, creates, and pays forward; offering me a chance to increase the volume of the voice I've been given and a new way of reconditioning perspective to increase health and happiness!<br />
<br />
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<span class="timelineRecentActivityTime cutoffActionListItems timelineRecentActivityStoryFooter"><abbr data-utime="1345671410" title="Wednesday, August 22, 2012 at 2:36pm"></abbr></span>Not
what I had planned in anticipation of a day long celebration today (story for another time) I did get
to venture out for a few minutes. In the time I did,
here's the 'surprise birthday gift I got to share with a special lady, courtesy of Heaven!
... Rare special occasions lead me to reflect on this sweet memory my
daughter Jonnae created for me. It was one of our last ventures out
together. She was shopping for clothes, motivated to
look like something other than a cancer patient (having worn pajamas
for comfort, even out in public, for months.) We were at the mall and she
was giddy and happy. While there she wanted a pepperoni soft pretzel
and coke. Being in my overly obsessive healthy state during that time, I
would not indulge in a 'treat' with her, even though she begged. We were sitting at
the table as she enjoyed her food and drink alone when she said, "If I could do
this every day, I would!" I didn't know if she meant shop at the mall,
eat soft pretzels, or what, so I said, "What's that babe?" She surprised
me with the sweetest gift when she replied, "Spend the day with you." My young adult children all have their own lives to live these days. Like most their age, they really don't care about spending much time with me. So I
decided today, I'd go by the mall and sit at our table to
enjoy a soft pretzel and coke with my girl. I didn't with her that day, but I
sometimes do with her now (truly, this feels like a visit with her more
than a stop at her gravesite.) The lady serving me at the pretzel counter
seemed disconnected, lonely or unhappy. As she was preparing my order, I
was a bit conflicted...do I share this special story with
her or not? Will she misinterpret and think me sad?...not really care? Will she receive the
'shift' with awareness and gratitude I hope to offer? What if this is
the only shot at her having something to smile about today? So at the
last moment, before I walked away, I said..."I hesitate to share this,
for I'm not sure it will have the result that is my hope. I told her the
story, and as happens more times than I can recall or count, this is
what she said. "There's a reason you told me. My husband died of
leukemia and just after my son turned 15 he was diagnosed with leukemia
also. He's a 3 year survivor." I think I even squealed. Can you feel
your husband and Jonnae doing a happy dance at this shared moment? She
smiled a huge smile and asked if she could come around and give me a
hug. I practically skipped to my special table and smiled all the way
through my 'treat' courtesy of God and all that's wrapped in sweet
love....(that balloon image at top of this blog might as well have been attached, :)</div>
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<span class="userContent">I imagine this is only the beginning of the divine gifts that will result and be shared this week. I'd love to have you tune in, see if my inclination is right, and share in the wealth of abundant hope, encouragement, inspiration and ofcourse FUN! Comment on my blog, on FB, through email. I'm always blessed to hear from you and know you're enjoying this journey with me! This is an experience of sharing! Thanks for being a part of it, for it would not be possible to share, if you weren't on it with me :D </span><span class="uiButtonGroup curationWrapper uiButtonGroupOverlay" id="ulrpuq_116"><span class="firstItem uiButtonGroupItem buttonItem"><a class="fbTimelineStarButton uiButton uiButtonOverlay uiButtonNoText" data-hover="tooltip" href="http://www.facebook.com/DeniseMetzgerTaylor#" id="ulrpuq_117" rel="async-post" role="button" title="Highlight"><span class="uiButtonText"></span></a></span><span class="lastItem uiButtonGroupItem selectorItem"></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-43702734583254033022012-07-01T10:00:00.000-07:002018-03-18T05:55:27.245-07:00Power of Words<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">A
sweet young teen I've been blessed to know experienced her "Heavenly
Birth" yesterday. Emma reminded me much of my own teenage daughter
Jonnae,
who experienced her "Heavenly Birth" in June of '08. These two amazing
warriors were diagnosed with cancer in their early teen years. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Many,
when speaking of them say, 'They lost their battle with cancer.' I,
however, don't see it that way at all. I witnessed both of them up until
the end, cross the finish line as champions. They were victors, living
life to the fullest, using humor and positive perspective every step of
the way. (that's her in the picture, celebrating Wacky Wednesday with me
and her visitors, knowing she was going home from the hospital to
experience her 'Heavenly Birth' from home) Oh no! They did not lose!
They are now experiencing their
rewards of eternal life for having been faithful servants and
illuminating the way for us. With them, God is well pleased!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Words
are a weapon that destroy or a tool that build. There is so much power
in a word. I know this on a level many may never come to fully
understand, which is why I will never stop
trying to shed a light on the 'darkness of death.' If one has just let
go of a
loved family member, how can it expedite their healing for them to see
and hear over and over
and over again, "I'm so SORRY for your LOSS" (?) I empathize with the
pain. I'm not saying one should not allow themselves to feel it. I'm
just saying we are so not aware of the overall truth in that experience
and the words that better serve it. I'm a minority in my
awareness of a more effective way to love
on someone and expedite their healing...not adding more darkness with
the words I speak.
(although I completely understand the intention is good) There is a
light, love and healing we offer when we see from a different angle.
When we know a
loved one was faithful, loving and courageous why is 'loss' what comes
to mind? or the word we choose to put all the emphasis on? Yes! It's the
earthly ending. It's not death! A
soul doesn't die unless it's joined forces with the devil. We use the
word loss because we are thinking of the ones left behind, right? but we
GAINED! and
so did they! We gained inspiration in their example of love, light,
courage and faith and they have gained eternal life in Heaven. Sorrow
and loss aren't the words I choose...gratitude for the gifts are - the
gift their earthly life was to all who are blessed by it and the gift of
their salvation that they are now experiencing. Make
sense? I hope so. For I so LOVE life, which includes "Heavenly Birth"
and
I'm grateful and celebrating it ALL for the gift from God that it is.
The best is yet to come. We have nowhere close to experienced it on this
earth. The ones who've departed are experiencing it. And for that my
tears are brief and quickly turn into dancing! <br /><br />May the same hold
true for Emma's family and friends. She, Jonnae and Emma's father, Joey
are doing some pretty special happy dances in Heaven. I'll hold that in
my mind, heart and spirit knowing once our purposes have been served
here, we'll be doing the same. (They just did theirs in record time,
ahead of OUR schedule. Not ahead of the ONE who's mastered it ;D<br />xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">*additional
thought...the following words are lyrics from a secular song that has
no intention of keeping us mindful of the gift of life and the gift of a
"heavenly birth" I often translate the world's popular music (unfortunately my teens music of choice) to fit my
perspective. When I can translate it as such, I make them about my relationship with God and others who
bless me. The instant joy that I experience when I take a song with one
intention and make it about something greater never loses its 'power
factor' with me. Imagine if these words communicated the gratitude you
have for the affect a person's life has had on yours. (I only love the
beat and chorus of this song...not the rest of the song and the
intention it was originally written.)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The sun goes down</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">the stars come out</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">and all that counts</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">is here and now.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The universe will never be the same.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I'm glad you came. I'm glad you came.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I smile thinking of how grateful I am Jesus, Jonnae and Emma (and whomever you give thanks for) came and changed the universe by their existence. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-76151581788524843362012-05-02T14:26:00.001-07:002012-05-22T18:45:10.198-07:00Mess or Masterpiece? You GET to Choose!I woke up and dressed in wacky attire for the creation of today's Wacky Wednesday. With doctor appointments for my 2 youngest before a radio interview at 10, it was an early start to a full morning.<br />
I always make an attempt to talk my kiddos into donning a wacky accessory and joining me in the wackiness if we're going to be together, out and about. One was not thrilled, but willing to participate, the other not so much.<br />
<br />
We were on our way to see the very pediatrician who diagnosed Jonnae 7 years ago in April '05. She recently declined the idea of Wacky Wednesdays for her patients. The hospital who treated Jonnae through her 3 year battle has yet to embrace Wacky Wednesday (I've been trying for the last 4years to get them to participate for the benefit of their patients, families and staff.) My own family rejects the idea, so the naysayer in my head decides to tally the score. "If you can't get the people who were closest to Jonnae to embrace the vision and participate, why in the world would you think you can get this to grow nationwide?"<br />
<br />
Music in the car begins to lift my spirit a little. We hear the new commercial on WAY-FM promoting Horner Novelties as our Wacky Wednesday supplier and it lifts a bit more. We walk into the doctor's office to the stares and non-changing facial expressions (after 4 years I'm still intrigued as to how you could see this walking wacky woman and not change your countenance in some way) and even though I'm used to this reaction it deflates me a lil.<br />
<br />
Into the individual rooms we go; one being seen because of an asthma/allergy flare up, the other for a follow up to being prescribed an anti depressant. This is cause for a major deflate in my spirit. I ache for my youngest daughter and the struggle she's entangled in. I've already watched a daughter's spirit get so beat down from bullying at school that it wasn't until a leukemia diagnosis and a fight to save her life ensued that she was able to shift her perspective to see things differently. The diagnosis and journey that followed changed her. It changed all of us, just not in the same way.<br />
<br />
It's the revelation of choice, and what we can do with it, that's propelled me to write, speak, and found a nonprofit to share the tools and gifts that were uncovered in the midst of that journey with Jonnae. Our perspective, choosing gratitude, finding a way to press on...those miraculous tools and the gifts they produced continue to be revealed to me in fresh, undeniable, miraculous ways today. However, I can't force anyone, not even my children, to pick them up and use them. Choice is individually given. It can't be taken away. I don't get to choose someone else's thinking for them.<br />
<br />
I dropped my children off at school and headed off to do the radio interview. I had time to run a couple of errands, and as often happens wherever we go, was asked, "How are you?" Well, we all know when that question is asked, the intent is not to open the doorway for one to go on with a myriad of details. However, I'm not one who follows protocol ordinarily, lol, so I proceeded to talk about the rough start I was off to for a Wacky Wednesday (mind you, today I'm wearing a zebra velour cowboy hat topped with a tiara, a red glitter cape, big ginormous mardi gras type beads, a braided blue and white wig, zebra leggings, red baseball socks, black and white chucks, glitter lashes and a milk mustache..oh! and a heart painted on the tip of my nose. Not easy to be so serious in a silly get up like this, yet still possible if you choose to be in that state. Thing about who I've become over the course of the last 7 years, is as natural as it is to breathe, my thoughts and words began shifting to speak positively with encouragement and inspiration. I've become an extremely authentic being, I can't speak one thing and be something else. So the incredible shift happened. I went from being affected by one's depression (which I can't control) to being empowered by my own choice, to let go and let God. By the time I was back in the car, I was feeling more like the inspirational, God powered being I choose to be and have become. Off to the radio station I went.<br />
<br />
The radio interview with Joyce Oglesby of "Just Ask Joyce" of Shine 105.9 was just as such an experience tends to be, happy, uplifting and encouraging. There's something that remains constant since the day I've been set on this journey, as I speak the words of truth and inspiration that came to me during the time I needed them most, they lift others and continually lift me. God's amazing that way.<br />
<br />
So I left the station thanking God for the turnaround that I had experienced today. Once again completely aware of the power of gratitude and choice to not create on my own, but co-create with God, a masterpiece out of my day...my life. I was compelled to share the thought on my facebook page, "Some spend their whole life making a mess of it. Some eventually turn to
God and co-create with Him to turn the mess into a masterpiece. Choice!
It's yours. What will you choose? Because fact of the matter is you GET
to make the choice as many times as you will!"<br />
<br />
The spirit lifting continued. The day had begun as a workout I wasn't sure I had the stamina for, I decided to press on through it, asked God for some assistance and the strength, energy, adrenaline, and joy continued to increase. Introduced to a woman who'd heard of me and wears an "I GET TO' wristband (they can be ordered at www.weGETto.org), with tears in her eyes she spoke my 'love language' to me (Words of Affirmation is my love language. Read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman if you'd like to know yours.) She said, "You are such a wonderful woman of inspiration. The world needs you. Don't stop."<br />
<br />
Only moments later, I was conversing with a couple as yet again, more tears welled up in the eyes of one needing encouraged. I could feel the love of God, moving and speaking through me to be the hope and inspiration one of them craved. <br />
<br />
I headed out to stop in, unannounced, to a couple of potential sponsors for the June 6th Wack Attack Celebration of Jonnae's 4th Heavenly Birthday. As might be expected the people I had intended to see, weren't there with no appointment having been set. What some might not expect, but I'm never surprised by, were divine appointments just waiting for me to show up.<br />
<br />
At the first one, the restaurant where Jonnae had her last dine out experience, the hostesses asked me what Wacky Wednesday was all about. As I proceeded to explain, a young girl with a shaved head, pointed to her uncle who was sitting just behind me. She said her cousin had recently been diagnosed with leukemia. I turned around to ask the gentleman if I'd visited them on a Wacky Wednesday, but recognized him instantly. He's responsible for providing one my all-time favorite Wacky Wednesday memories.<br />
<br />
Not a place that really embraces the Wacky Wednesday vision like I dream of growing, the children's hospital is a hard place to inject with smiles and silliness. The patients are game much quicker than the staff. It's definitely a heavy spiritual workout for me. I often find myself exhausted, ready to fall into bed early Wednesday evening, a result of it. However, this particular morning, I was given quite the energy boost, when I poked my head into a dark room. Before I could even whisper, "It's wacky Wednesday." the patients mother was hitting the leg of a sleeping man in the window seat that's often made into a make shift bed. SHE was the one who whispered it's Wacky Wednesday, and just as if an alarm clock had sounded, the man jumped up to rush out and get some wacky good from the cart to create their Wacky Wednesday. It was AWESOME! And here this man sat, as if he was the one I had an appointment with (hence why I call them divine appointments) We high fived reminiscing about that Wacky Wednesday and I went about my merry way. <br />
<br />
On to the next unscheduled stop. I get to travel tomorrow to a speaking engagement. I thought it would be a good idea to stop in and get my oil changed. I was hardly out of the car, when I man I didn't recognize (we'd not met before) approached my car and said, "I need to ask you something." Ofcourse, I expected the question was going to be about my attire, but was pleasantly surprised when he said, "I've been trying to buy your book and the bookstores I've checked don't carry it." (it too is available at www.weGETto.org) I proceeded to tell him I'd tried to get it in bookstores, but had a traveling bookstore in my car. He was so happy to acquire a signed copy. Was such a blessing to witness that excitement in him and be a small part of what's responsible for it. Love the surprise party God continually throws for us if we allow Him to host one for us.<br />
<br />
It's not always evident, or easy to see, He's with us; hosting surprise parties, scheduling divine appointments, co creating to produce masterpieces of our messes, but I assure you He is. I have NO DOUBT. It gets easier to continue the leap in faith, when a day such as today, one that began with a heavy, deflated, discouraged spirit turns into an undeniably, abundantly blessed, incredible day.<br />
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Now I get to return home with a strengthened, lifted, encouraged spirit to somehow be an example to my discouraged daughter when she gets home from practice. An example of what's possible when we not only ask God, but F.R.O.G. (fully rely on God) to be our strength, our light and our hope. May you too, whomever you are, whatever you're going through, be encouraged to press on, F.R.O.G and co-create a masterpiece out of what you feared was a mess. Anything is possible with God!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-64329577311026212152012-02-21T18:25:00.000-08:002012-02-21T18:25:52.684-08:00A New Season. A New Game Plan.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UtByQSSBoXYNqkUbtpZPRnRhPF6bUKfyVkb-EhMgXy75wusnHh2ImdrrhhEj3K2TUnAvVD8e58kIzoHQVVWmz4SBk60aL_aVyz24oaj4Zyye4x4hiCwTSevS_WBFnlSWJ0Rj1V2toTkC/s1600/photo(20).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UtByQSSBoXYNqkUbtpZPRnRhPF6bUKfyVkb-EhMgXy75wusnHh2ImdrrhhEj3K2TUnAvVD8e58kIzoHQVVWmz4SBk60aL_aVyz24oaj4Zyye4x4hiCwTSevS_WBFnlSWJ0Rj1V2toTkC/s320/photo(20).JPG" width="320" /></a></div><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">Eventually time and circumstances present themselves in the way that I crave. I’m getting closer to being able to do more of what I love and feel called to do! What I understand and know to be true is that I get to create the opportunities to make my dreams my reality. When I’ve had enough of things as they are, I’ll change what’s necessary to move me from craving and dreaming into reality and living! I’m getting close! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s been an extremely painful process. One I don’t think many realize, because I’ve been guarded in my sharing. Not to be secretive intentionally, for I’m much more at ease operating from a completely honest and transparent place then being careful about what I communicate. After Jonnae’s “Heavenly Birth” when it became necessary for me to create an income, I shifted from my natural transparent personal mode of being, into a controlled professional one. As my focus became what the business world wanted, my fun factor disappeared, my writing stopped, and my spirit weakened. Switching from a no holds barred personal mode, to an all about business one, hasn’t been working for me. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I was about to write that while the past couple of years have been good for personal growth, they haven’t been good for the state of my spirit. I wasn’t even finished typing out the sentence when it became clear to me that’s not a true statement. It is because of the weakened state, that growth occurs. This is true personally and professionally, physically and spiritually. The term ‘growing pains’ was coined for a reason – with growth comes pain and with pain comes growth; tis the cycle of life.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve gained a tremendous amount of insight and wisdom over the past 7 years. As a result, I’ve acquired many wonderful tools. The gift bearer of this multitude of miraculous treasure was pain.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Pain of a diagnosis, pain of a child’s suffering, pain from mourning a life no longer ours as a family to experience, pain of letting go of a best friend/soulmate/and cherished daughter, pain of loneliness when no longer surrounded by droves of people (not physically, but a presence that was obvious and proven through many forms of dialogue, snail mail, emails, response to blogs, that no longer exists) pain from being faced with financial concerns that were not present when there was a community helping us with them, pain from extreme disappointment when people I respected, loved, and thought came into my life to support and lift me, chose instead to maliciously knock me down. Pain from watching my family internalize their individual suffering and loneliness convinced no one’s was the same as theirs. Although heart wrenching and almost debilitating with emotional exhaustion that led to physical fatigue at times, these pains brought gifts; lessons, awareness and opportunities to grow. And so I’ve learned to embrace and use them. It took me longer with some than with others. And I get to work through others still.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I've been seeking a way to return to my best being, only with no desire to go about doing it as I have before. Because of the unloving, self serving leadership team involved with a program I've used in the past, and the hurtful memories associated to their actions towards me, I’ve chosen to walk away from it with no want to ever return. I’ve finally been given a creative, exciting new set of tools to build with. It’s a new season, a new game and I’m pretty stoked!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A combination of what I call ‘meditation in motion’ and ‘sacred silence’ gifted me a new <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">game plan </i>yesterday morning. I have Pinterest to thank for the first piece of it. (Funny, because I tweeted last week, “I ran but couldn’t hide. Pinterest finally caught me”.) As often is the case, the things we run from, often have gifts for us. Today, I’m grateful to be receiving them.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This new game plan began with a picture. A picture of two glass cylinders; one labeled ‘Pounds Lost’ one labeled “Pounds to Go” (before any of you lovely, appreciated readers interpret this is being about weight or physical appearance, it’s about so much more…read on ;)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My spirit hasn’t been as strong or healthy, because my body hasn’t been. I’ve neglected to take care of it in the same way I did through Jonnae’s illness when I had built my best, strongest, healthiest being. Granted, I took quite a hit when forced to let go of Jonnae. However, there’s a fine line where needed rest that could serve you leads to inactive living, which does not. Atrophy is the consequence of inactivity. My emotional, mental and spiritual muscles suffered a parallel atrophy to my physical when I stopped working it. I had a multitude of legitimate excuses as to why I had let go. Bottom line is inactive and weak doesn’t lead to best being or best life. I will no longer settle for less than both! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So back to the cylinders and new game plan that will lead me to the return of my best being. The Pinterest picture had colored stones representing the goal of weight loss. I’ll do something a bit different. I still move the items that represent that pounds as I shed them. It occurred to me to use beads instead of stones. I will use these beads to make a bracelet once I’ve reached my goal. The bracelet will serve as a reward, as well as a reminder of what it took to reach the finish line. (I’m going to purchase special beads today. I plan on this being a lifetime reminder with great meaning) I decided also, to attach an incentive to each pound/bead. What always gives me incentive to let go of myself is when it will bless another. What’s interesting about that, is blessing others always has a way of blessing me back, even when that’s not my intent. It’s pretty awesome how that works. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">As I let go of each pound, I get to give something special to someone else. I initially established the order to include a mix of mini rewards, some to me, some to others; none of them costly, for I haven’t the funds to do that. A new thought just came to mind however, where even the gifts to me will extend to someone else. For instance, the original order had included a manicure and pedicure for myself. I won’t be going to a spa. My intention was just to reward myself with pampering in a way that acknowledges and appreciates the accomplishment. I’ll still give myself a manicure or pedicure after the designated pound attached to that incentive. I’ll just be certain on the same day to give one to someone else. If my daughter Lydia would enjoy it, I’ll share the time and love with her. (She’s not too into that type of thing) If not, I’ll go to the nursing home or hospital and share that time and love of a manicure or pedicure with someone who could use an extra dose of it. I LOVE that idea! It’s basically an order to acts of kindness I’ve been meaning to do, but haven’t. I’ve built Lydia, the boys and my husband, Johnny into the order with shared movie nights or one on one experiences they choose to share, that will enhance our relationships and keep communication open. This kind of structured game plan, will keep me excited and focused as I move from one progressive step to the next, whether it be about the building of a stronger me across the board, the relationships that are important to me, or business. Which leads me to the next exciting development.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">The We GET To Organization is now a 501c3 nonprofit entity. After 3 years of running from the process, (with all this ‘running’, I should be a bit lighter, lol) I finally took the leap of faith and submitted the application to the IRS. They've accepted and approved our application. As long as I try to work out of a home office, progress is going to be significantly slower. I get to figure that component out soon, for it’s a bit of what I was talking about in the opening of this blog when I said, “When I’ve had enough as things are, I’ll create the opportunity.” I'm really tired of being alone, in the home, craving to be out in the world sharing this vision. I’ve made a couple attempts to secure a space. They just weren’t the right combination for an equation that works. I’m hopeful! I do believe the solution is getting closer! Keep me in prayer as I build a team to help me build a strong We GET To Organization that will outlive us all! I'm open to any suggestions and shared wisdom, as I'm in unfamiliar territory.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I ran across a 'pin' (for someone that didn’t want to engage in Pinterest, I must say, it’s a fun resource. Just like every other social media option…moderation is key!) The pin was a quote from Socrates, ”I can’t teach anyone anything. I can only make them think.” So there you have it…I gave you something to think about…it’s up to you if you choose to do something with it!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-38492903395214999592011-12-22T12:59:00.000-08:002011-12-22T12:59:02.348-08:00A Birthday Wish and the Sweetest of All Desserts!Time gets away from us, doesn't it? I said to a dear friend, "It's as if the sand in the hour glass has turned to water. The hours, days, and years just flow faster and faster."<br />
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No sense in me trying to make up for time that's passed, or the thoughts I didn't sit down to write through the course of it. It's because it seemed so overwhelming a task, that such a large amount of time has slipped by without me doing so. Today, I've decided I'll begin where I am in the present and commit to share from this point forward.<br />
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I couldn't possibly begin to convey my present thoughts, without some reflection of the past. Many don't wish to remember four years ago when Jonnae was battling for more time on earth. Yet, I discovered how to make best use of my own, because of it. <br />
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I've a strong desire to recreate what I got to experience during that last bit of time with Jonnae. In a song called "Blessings" by Laura Story, one will hear her sing these words, "What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy." If not for having experienced what we did together, I'd not recognize that what I strive to create on earth, is what lies ahead in Heaven. I got to sample a taste with Jonnae, in a recipe that combined struggle, selflessness, faith and God's presence. No reason why I can't take the ingredients the gift of today offers, combine them with the recipe Jonnae and I discovered, and create more of the same sweet treat today.<br />
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I thought that's exactly what I was trying to do. However, it's only recently that I've come to realize, I was trying to be the executive chef. This is the role of the one responsible for the operation of entire kitchen. Only that's not possible. God's the executive chef. There is no 'sous chef', for that is a role created for a second in command when the executive chef is absent. That's never the case in God's kitchen. No! I see now, I'm more a line cook working in what I see as the pastry department (how divine an analogy, lol) creating sweet concoctions of love, peace, joy and inspiration. (It's important to note, even the sweetest desserts can have ingredients that are not sweet at all) See how incredibly beautiful this metaphor is when observing an illness and Heavenly Birth as ingredients for a sweet and 'soulful' recipe.<br />
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I imagine every year at this time, I'll be deep in rememberance of a past Christmas that combined an array of ingredients to create the sweetest of delicacies. I am ever awake to the fact that on my own, I will never produce such a dessert as what God did then, is doing now, and will in the future. With the enthusiasm of a child at Christmas, I anticipate with great delight, what sweet experience He's baking up in His kitchen to gift me in this year's Christmas 'present'....only a taste of what He has for us in the eternity of Heaven. <br />
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I've unconsciously attempted to take over the bakery the past couple of years. Now that I've reawakened to my rightful place in God's kitchen, I'm confident that my 44th year will be quite the dream. I hope this analogy is enjoyable for you, as it is me. I long to share the sweet desserts I create in God's kitchen with you! Consider this, your piece of my birthday cake ;D ( I get to share my birthday with Jesus. I just heard the song, "Love was Born on Christmas Day" It may sound hokey....I assure you it's my deepest desire to be a gift of God's love to the world, at Christmas and all year through.)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-42653818511081986682011-10-10T20:54:00.000-07:002011-10-10T20:55:24.503-07:00I'll Die a Dreamer<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1px;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 1px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><img alt="photo" height="330" id="imageChecker-13183052211650" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3657/3599223062_2b0719a42a.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline-block; image-rendering: optimizequality;" width="500" /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1px;"><br />
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</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">The exhilarating rise, sharp turn, incredibly fast drop and <i>pain</i> I'm feeling as a result of being jerked around today is too much like a roller coaster to not use it as an illustration for the opening of this blog. It's an analogy that is excessively worn out and doesn't display my flare for being creative. However, I guarantee by the end of this blog, you'll have experienced a thought exceedingly more innovative! So stick with me. ;)</div></div><br />
For several days now, I've been ascending. My level of energy has been on the rise, as well as my belief that I'm on the brink of an answered prayer...a big break...something exciting and hugely rewarding for being relentless and faithful. So when I received a call today from someone I'd touched base with about delivering the "We GET To" message, and she had a very warm lead for me, I got excited. I called her referral and he embraced what I was proposing. He gave me some insightful information and another phone number. An opportunity much bigger than the one I had initially seen was being revealed to me. My excitement escalated as my dream began wildly unfolding in my imagination. As I met and conversed with several people today, I enthusiastically shared my most recent vision with them.<br />
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Once home, the call I'd been anticipating came. I presented the vision I had for partnering with this company and presenting the We GET To message to the schools the company sponsors and got this response, "I understand and appreciate what you are doing, but we aren't able to offer additional school support or participate at this time." I thanked the man for returning my call so promptly and hung up. Reality's severe turn was followed by a fast drop of a dream and several tears. My weaker self's voice began to fill my head with discouragement. <i>"You're a hopeless dreamer.</i> <i>Your family and friends just shake their heads in pity as you cling to a dream that never going to come to pass. Jonnae was a tenacious fighter. Courageous and faithfilled. She died a dreamer. What makes you think you'll be any different?" </i>My face was covered with a wash of tears and I couldn't blow my nose fast enough or hard enough when my stronger self spoke louder. <i>"Remember! A 'no' means God's got something better in mind!" </i>Better than what I imagined today? Now THAT'S EXCITING!!! :D<br />
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The tears dried up, my head still hurts from the nasal activity earlier and I don't know how this journey is going to play out. This I know for sure - I'm not any different than Jonnae. I'll keep smiling, keep praying, keep getting up, looking up, and never giving up. Come true or not... I'll die a dreamer!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-11804076802289026952011-09-26T09:26:00.000-07:002011-09-26T09:26:15.540-07:00Blending in isn't ALL that Bad!<style>
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<div class="rel_thumb" style="text-align: justify;"> <img alt="Model Burned in Vicious Sulfuric Acid Attack" border="0" height="224" src="http://a.abcnews.com/images/2020/ht_katie_piper_100105_wl.jpg" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" title="" width="400" /> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">I continue to be in awe of the power of awareness! There’s no limit to it making our life better, every day in every way. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Have you heard of Katie Piper? She’s a young woman who, because of her tenacity and courage, is responsible for taking my consciousness to a new heightened level.</div><div class="MsoNormal">3 years ago, this former twenty-something model was the victim of an acid attack. From the severe burns she suffered from this horrific act of violence, her face, chest and throat have been damaged for life. Blind in her left eye, skin grafts from her back to reconstruct her face, multiple surgeries on her face, eyelids, and throat (because of damage from swallowing some of the acid when it was thrown on her) this woman presses on with a mission- to turn her personal tragedy into triumph for herself and for others. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Katie. My Beautiful Friends</u></i> is a four part documentary that caught my attention several weeks ago. I found it airing on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) while channel surfing late one night. Katie has formed a charity, aiding those who are dealing with severe deformities, allowing her to make personal visits and offer a support group. Throughout the documentary, she introduces us to her ongoing challenges, as well as those she’s met and encouraged. Some were born with severe deformities, some are victims of burns and others are dealing with growing, life threatening tumors. All are incredibly courageous and great examples of, not only how our circumstances could be much worse, what is possible with perspective and perseverance – two of our greatest (two of my strongest) gifts. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I was impacted greatly after viewing only the first of Katie’s four episodes. Each week my heart has been opened more. These individuals are suffering greater pain then what’s evident physically. They are suffering unnecessary mental, emotional and spiritual pain, because as a whole, we’ve chosen to look the other way and not treat them as the beautiful souls they are beneath the skin. I’ve resolved to make eye contact with anyone whose path I cross, especially those who aren’t used to experiencing eyes gazing into theirs. The extent of my compassion has increased tenfold!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This week I’ve been gifted my own personal experience, as if it were to be an exclamation point for this life altering lesson Katie’s responsible for gifting me. After taking a close look at my lower lip last week, my dermatologist decided a quick freeze of excessive sun damage would be the best treatment. With her ‘gun’ she zapped another spot just above my upper lip also. Two large blisters formed and within a couple of days, the spots have begun to scab over. So mindful of the challenges Katie and her beautiful friends deal with every day as they go out, to be either stared at or treated as if they were invisible, I’m ever present to the blessing of being able to ‘blend in,’ even with a couple unsightly blisters.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve had exposure to the pain caused by staring. Not one to cry over her circumstances often, one thing that could bring Jonnae’s spirit down and lead to tears, was the staring that happened as a result of her bald head. Still, as a cancer patient there was plenty of support and compassion for her to experience. The embrace and support far outweighed the stares and galking that made her so uncomfortable. That’s not the case when it comes to these individuals with severe abnormalities that Katie has made ambassadors for her charity. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The reality check these brave people offer us is of incredible value! I’ve recently been introduced to another burn victim carrying on with life and exuding what spirit and tenacity is all about. JR Martinez, one of this season’s contestants on Dancing with the Stars, <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">was burned on more than 40 percent of his body when his Humvee hit a land mine while he was serving in Iraq in 2003. The injuries left him with scars on his face and the loss of his left ear.</span> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Seems life continually leaves me in a state of awe, with heightened awareness and increased gratitude. To some my challenges seem so large, yet I continue to see others with hurdles just as looming, if not larger. And…they’re clearing theirs. No greater source of inspiration than seeing what’s possible and committing to doing the same. I’ll keep clearing the hurdles and climbing the mountains, knowing that I’ll always have everything I need to accomplish whatever I want…it’s simply a matter of choosing to press on for the prize – a life lived in peace, joy, happiness and love NO MATTER WHAT! I love, Love, LOVE being awakened to the multitude of abundant blessings that surround me! Don’t you?</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-82581905529571223252011-08-30T20:21:00.000-07:002011-08-30T20:21:47.304-07:00Enamored<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk_1dRRtFha6sl0s5UdbHAa0AXTeiq94ay_xBjzVzY1fo26pBQDY23vU-TMHydbUSb-KX_q2PFgxEYrry2MfapvZ_bgjAif7ZwOFkxg4av72GVeJbQRzP8ZXtgxbCVUHZhg3LwjAA9RxFK/s1600/285965_10150780788770227_543425226_20486610_7742366_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk_1dRRtFha6sl0s5UdbHAa0AXTeiq94ay_xBjzVzY1fo26pBQDY23vU-TMHydbUSb-KX_q2PFgxEYrry2MfapvZ_bgjAif7ZwOFkxg4av72GVeJbQRzP8ZXtgxbCVUHZhg3LwjAA9RxFK/s320/285965_10150780788770227_543425226_20486610_7742366_o.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />
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I was using the self checkout aisle at Walmart last week, using a gift card to pay for my purchase. After running the card through the keypad, it reflected I hadn't paid my balance. I ran it through again and again. As they do when they see you struggling to complete your transaction, the Walmart associate overseeing the self scan stations came over to me and said, "Is it asking your scan your card?" To which I replied, "Yes! Everytime I swipe it it says ...and in unison we said, "Please scan your card" She took it out of my hand and scanned it. Ah ha!!! I was swiping my card through the key pad as you do with a credit or debit card; not SCANNING it as you do merchandise, even after I had been instructed...over and over again to scan it. I laughed and said to the teller, "God's just telling me I don't listen" I shook my head and again said, "I'm still not listening." We both shared a laugh and I went about my day.<br />
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I went about my day, unable to forget just how true it is. I'm great at talking; not so great at listening. (even my kids have told me that)<br />
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I may not be great at listening to the audible sounds of the earth. I'm a bit better at listening to the spiritual guidance of the Divine. If not for being a good spiritual listener, I'd never have sought to find the good when it was so hard to find it during Jonnae's illness. I'd never have blogged the last 9 months of her life and I'd not have created (with much help) her Celebration of Life one week before she passed. I may not hear all that well with my ears. I've been blown away, and incredibly blessed, with what happens when I listen with my soul. Today's no exception.<br />
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In January of this year, I reclaimed a room in our basement to convert into a home office. After having invested much time in dreaming about living in a house like one that was being built last year in our subdivision, overlooking a body of water (and after experiencing quite sacred moments from other waterfront properties) I decided I would paint the room a soft color like that of water. I didn't choose a true hue of blue. I chose more a robin egg or soft pale turquoise color. I decorated the room with accessories we already had in the house, doing the best I could to create a nice room without much expense.<br />
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Although grateful for the space, it's never quite produced what I hoped it would. It's functional, organized, and what I didn't have for a work a space before. It's never provided the haven I crave or the flow of energy that I feel is blocked in the rest of our home, where so many memories exist of Jonnae. Although I embrace them all as great gifts, there's just something I can't seem to remove in the way of blocked energy. Too hard to explain and simply something I get to accept and live with for a while longer. So I press on.<br />
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I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me before, or why it did occur to me from out of nowhere last week, to check online for a large water scene mural. I googled and found many sites to shop. I think I invested the better part of an entire day considering and reconsidering my options. Still trying to keep cost to a minimum, after much back and forth as to what I would finally splurge on, I selected a smaller size mural than the ones I originally began looking at, based on the pale turquoise color of my already freshly painted room. It was the only scene that was not a true blue, but turquoise. It arrived within a couple of days and I applied it to the wall last weekend.<br />
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Although satisfied with the mural and the color of the wall as it's backdrop, I wasn't happy with the way the existing accessories in the room looked with it. The room needs to be more cohesive with colors of the white beach and cool teal waters in the print. I decided I'd start working towards creating a room that felt more like a refreshing retreat, similar to what you'd experience at a place on the beach.<br />
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While out today, I thought I'd swing by the HomeGoods store and use instore credit I had from a previous return I'd made a while back. I went in thinking I'd peruse the store to find a single lil treasure piece for the room, like a conch shell or something and it wouldn't cost me a thing. Well you know how it goes (especially if you're into decorating) My eyes kept finding items that would work perfectly to create the type room I was envisioning. As an artist, I usually only begin with a theme or simple idea and the creation just takes on a life of it's own. This shopping trip was definitely playing out like that. With not one, but 8 items in a buggy (that I got to go back to the entrance for because I didn't think I'd need one for the single item I would choose) In a mere second, as I was already having buyers remorse and analyzing this cart as 'retail therapy' my consciousness came alive to meld with my subconscious. As the revelation happened and goose bumps covered my body, I was in awe. How could I have not realized what I was doing before now?! I was creating the caribbean scene Jonnae had dreamt of experiencing through Make a Wish. All she wanted was to ride a horse on the white sands of a beach with crystal clear turquoise water. In that moment, any guilt I had about purchasing these accessories was gone. It wasn't a matter of retail therapy; it's a matter of acknowledging a gift from the Divine to create a space I can share 'with her.' The timing is impeccable too, as I'm most present to what would have been her 19th birthday this Friday. It's almost as if this caribbean room is her gift to me. There simply is NO WAY I can relay in words how much I've felt embraced by the combined presence of God and Jonnae today.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>The picture accompanying this blog was taken by my friend while we were on a walk this morning. We both stopped to soak up the SON as the rays shined so brightly through the trees in this amazing star burst. I recalled, as I stood there to bask in it's glory, Jonnae's statement towards the end of her life when as we saw the sun's rays in a similar way. She said, "It reminds me of Heaven" <br />
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I'm enamored by the glory of God, the brightness of Jonnae's spirit, how her presence can sometimes encompass me, and how today...my subconscious revealed it's plan to give me a place where I feel her in a special sweet way, encouraging me to press on and create whatever instinctively comes to me. It's a gift from the Divine.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-48974779638805509032011-08-08T11:19:00.000-07:002011-08-08T11:21:07.896-07:00Writing from the Heart<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I so long to write more, blog more, speak more, and serve more. Funny how the 'business' of it all keeps getting in my way. I've invested a great part of the 3 years since Jonnae passed trying to marry my passion to a paycheck. I've had a grand vision placed on my heart. It's impossible for me to believe my passion can't also be my 'work.' I'll not give up and eventually I won't be so deep in the forrest that I can't see the trees, lol. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm tired of trying to align my spirit with a business mind that's not within me. It's exhausting. Surely there's a place for me, an income to be had, where I can simply show up as me, excited to share strengths that are naturally already mine. Where is it? Do I really need to learn business to free myself from the pressures and stress of debt? Is there not someplace for me to go when I wake up that has an energy of life flowing through it and people who want to embrace what it is God's given me to share? Please Lord, make the way more clear!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There are a couple of reasons I've stopped writing. One is I can't seem to find a place to write that inspires me. There used to be a place I could write that will would allow thoughts and guidance to flow through me as they came. It was by Jonnae's bedside. Now, I get to experience most of my days from our home and for reasons that I understand, yet can't seem to explain, this home during the day has the same effect on me that cryptonite had on superman. It keeps me weak. I've tried different scenarios to get out of the house when the families gone off to school and work, none of them have worked. I've tried different places to write, different places to work on building a career. I've not yet found a fit. I'm prayerful that a solution will be revealed soon. If you are a praying person and you're reading this, will you offer up a prayer on my behalf? Ask God to remove the detours and show me the road (work place) for me?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A second reason my writing stopped was because my writing style is not for business. In my search to figure out how I build a career out of what I know and love to do, I've been steered to not write from a personal standpoint, to keep blogs to a word maximum, to make the headlines catchy and set me up as an expert. Who I am and what I write doesn't seem to fit the mold for how one grows a career. Talk about writer's block! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Today, I've committed to sitting down and doing that which led me to fall in love with writing to begin with. Just write from my heart about the awarenesses I'm acquiring. They're personal to me, they may not prompt anyone to hire me or purchase something I've produced, but that's never been what inspired me to write before. Why should it be now? It doesn't!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My passions are writing and speaking words of encouragement and hope while always remaining truthful and transparent. That's 'my mold'. The writing ceased and the speaking opportunities lessened considerably also. As I was sold on someone's services who led me to believe he and his team would take over promoting and booking me as a speaker, I left that ball in their court and picked up a different one. I began planning a special June 8, Wacky Wednesday celebration to commemorate Jonnae's 3rd Heavenly Birthday. The momentum I had built up for speaking pretty much came to a halt as the company didn't deliver and I was head over heels in planning the biggest event I've ever hosted. Good news is, the "Wack Attack" celebration of Jonnae's Heavenly Birth was a sweet success. (video can be seen here - </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLvWhvsSPm8"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We had a "Wack Attack" video</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> )</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have a wise friend who's been trying to get me to start up We GET To as a nonprofit. I wasn't purposely trying to fight her, or God, on the suggestion or get in the way of it. I just didn't see how starting a nonprofit from ground zero was going to answer my unemployment and financial issues, which are growing in their need for me to solve them. How would I have the energy and time to acquire the knowledge necessary for starting up a nonprofit on top of the looming tasks already at hand? I still don't know. However, I began getting nonprofit literature and resource information in the mail, from sources all over the place, out of the blue. This in the midst of me planning the special Wacky Wednesday celebration for Jonnae's 3rd Heavenly Birthday. I don't buy into coincidence EVER! God's hand in perfect timing is where I stake my trust. So I prayerfully began looking into the steps I'd get to take to form a nonprofit and get We GET To and Wacky Wednesday into more schools and hospitals. I consulted with many experts, filed Articles of Incorporation for We GET To, formed a board, and just this weekend submitted the extensive 1023 form to the IRS for tax exemption. Now, I GET TO strengthen my patience muscle as I wait to hear back from them. (Could be as long as 3 months to 1 year to complete the process after they've accepted our application.) and I GET TO return to figuring out a way to create consistent income.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As God often does when He knows my tank is beyond low and I'm running on fumes, He's sent me a boost of fuel to discern I'm on the right track. When I'm uncertain about where to go or what to do, or not sure I'm any where close to being on target to my destination, I'll get an email</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> or phone call that's just enough to keep me going. I recently received a phone call from a Louisville school's program director who'd asked me to come speak to her 5th grade class last year. As it had turned out, the 7th grades' speaker was unable to make it the day this special programming was to occur, so both the 5th and 7th grade classes filed in together to hear the We GET To message. The director was calling to see if I'd be interested in coming back this year. She offered that the school still didn't have funding to pay speakers but was hopeful I'd accept the invitation to return anyway. She proceeded to tell me that she thought I'd be interested to know that the students are given a survey at the end of the school year that consists of several questions. One of them being what was their favorite event/activity for the year. She let me know that We GET To had made an impression on the children, for it was the favorite on many surveys. When I thanked her for telling me this and told her it was fuel for my spiritual tank to know the message had made an impact on several of the students who had heard my presentation, she corrected me and said, "Denise, it wasn't simply several of the surveys, it was the majority of them." She also made the remark it was impressive given the amount of time that had passed from the Feb presentation to June when the survey was given, when much else had been forgotten. I can't begin to doubt now! I can't base whether I speak or not to students on the sum I get paid. How can I do anything but sing when given such a beautiful testimony of Jonnae's legacy and the way I get to serve? I've gotta be in the right place doing the right thing.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">God gifted me more. I was in a local store seeking silly accessories for infants. Still in my wacky get up, I'd just completed a Wacky Wednesday visit at Kosair. As we had just seen many babies, I was freshly reminded that I never have anything wacky to give infants. I decided to make it one of my days errands to find something. None of my suppliers that I shop from ever have wacky pacifiers, bibs, or things for infants to wear that are within our budget. Occasionally I'll find some fun bath mitts at the $ store. Anyway, a mother recognized me as the We GET To lady because of my share about Wacky Wednesday during a We GET To presentation I had given at her son's sports banquet. She approached me to let me know what her son had said on the way home after hearing the We GET To message. As she was speaking to me, another woman walked up to us, also having heard of Wacky Wednesday and gave me all the cash she had on her to purchase the items I had in my hand for the Wacky Wednesday cart. She said she had heard about the work I was doing and wish she had more to give. I assured her that her gift was generous enough, both financially for the kids and in encouragement for me to keep going. Seriously, should it be so easy for me to get distracted by business and the $ when priceless experiences such as this are what I get for payment? It may take a while for We GET To to be tax exempt and to build funding to pay a director, but I'm bound to be on the right path! This is enough proof for me!</span></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 18px;">As if this evidence isn't enough, I've been granted another beautiful gift of affirmation. I'm a bit creative and God's communication with me sometimes is as well. I was going to try and convey the gift, but it would make for an even longer blog and it's too difficult to try to convey. Let's just say a gift of nature was uniquely packaged and sent for me and I received with enormous gratitude and glee ;) </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I simply get to keep doing whatever it takes... whatever it requires of me energetically or financially to grow the We GET To message and Wacky Wednesday visions, regardless of how that looks on a resume or in our bank account. I'm serving God and serving my community. There's bound to be a way that can translate into serving my family financially. I'll keep seeking God for the answers and trust you'll repeat that prayer you said for me earlier again and again. Will you? :D</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">By the Grace of God,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Better Every Day in Every Way,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Denise</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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</div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-4589460032317014102011-06-29T12:09:00.000-07:002011-06-29T12:09:35.916-07:00Goals, Gratitude and Shared Wisdom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiflWyc6Tkf0m3HIZcBYThDoaHUFawkT3mpraihwYFebxEVJiFPfupFTObl6Vxo5KEUdHBwJCIxq8MRV62iUN5iQwayRqKgWYWXl6SEJv4Y1UKx8VJWgUzMvLoVAkK2dlScYTRomqpnntKp/s1600/We+Get+to+2011+final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiflWyc6Tkf0m3HIZcBYThDoaHUFawkT3mpraihwYFebxEVJiFPfupFTObl6Vxo5KEUdHBwJCIxq8MRV62iUN5iQwayRqKgWYWXl6SEJv4Y1UKx8VJWgUzMvLoVAkK2dlScYTRomqpnntKp/s320/We+Get+to+2011+final.jpg" width="247" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">I finally took the leap! Friday I obtained approval from the state of Indiana for We GET To's Articles of Incorporation to be a nonprofit entity, and have received the EIN and DUNN #'s required for the other applications I now GET TO submit. First and foremost is the 501c3 application for tax exempt status. I'm on it and think I've located the assistance necessary to file everything the right way. I'll know after a phone call tomorrow morning. It's soooo not easy as everyone wants to believe or advise. Only the people who have personally filed a 501c3 form know just how sticky the whole process is. And it's imperative to do everything exactly right. 'Big Brother' is hardly as understanding as our Heavenly Father. That being said, it's imperative to have an attorney who's familiar with the process look the entire application over. My goal is to have had an attorney do just that and have the form in the mail on the way to the IRS with payment by July 12 (I GET TO go to the lake for the family's annual 'girl's weekend' and want to enjoy it completely with the relief that will come with this step being behind me)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">After submitting the Articles and getting the letter back from the State saying We GET To had been approved, my commitment and focus increased tremendously. There's no turning back. Now that I've done it, I feel like a child who was extremely too hesitant at the top of a slide or high dive. Why did it take me so long to make the decision? I guess it's irrelevant at this point, it did. I finally held my breath, closed my eyes and just decided to go for it. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">Today's Wacky Wednesday has me even more determined to shift this journey into a different direction. I read a quote last week that said, 'If you don't change the direction you're going, you're gonna end up where your headed." I don't Wacky Wednesday to end up as a small local volunteer program. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">I don't want to end up as a speaker whose message went unspoken to the masses. I don't want to end up as the woman, mother, wife, who wasn't able to contribute to her family's/community's financial needs. I GET TO find the solutions to the issues that have been holding me back and eliminate the distractions that have kept me from moving forward. I GET To do it now!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">Another direction I GET TO change is that of my physical health. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">Since Jonnae's "Heavenly Birth' I've slowly put on 20+ pounds. The weight was slow to creep on and my focus, strength, and energy has slowly leaked away. After Jonnae's passing, my weight fluctuated up and down the first year, 5-10 pounds. As I let go of healthier food choices on a consistent basis, I managed to no longer fluctuate, but keep the first 10 pounds on. Paid speaking opportunities did not increase, I sold plenty of books, but with no business plan or structured budget in place, I poured out more to grow my business then I had coming in. It became necessary for me to let go of my gym membership. I gained, and kept, another 10lbs. I thought I'd at least maintain my weight with the equipment we have in the basement, but my heart just hasn't been in my physical fitness anymore. Fitness somehow, as it often does, lost it's place in my 'wheel of balance' The reality is, whether I have a heart for it or not, whether I am on fire with focus or not, it's impossible to live my best life if I'm not taking the best care of the health and body I've been given. I've returned to the point where I do indeed want to change (for the better) more than I want to stay the same. (in a mediocre, I'll settle for this because it could be worse, mentality or body)</span><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">That being said (and because I GET TO go offline and back to writing bylaws and staying on course for the goals I've set for We GET To) here are some other goals I'll have accomplished by the first weekend of October, a special weekend with some special people who are also looking to live their best life:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">I'll be back to the 145ish weight that best suits me, not only looking my best, but FEELING my best across the board, so that I'm better able to contribute to my family, my community, and our world. I'm at 166.8 now. Painful to type, but there you have it. No shame, simply keeping it real so I can get out of the rut and back to the 'race' :D I'm not respecting or honoring in the best way, what God's given me with my physical body and health.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">The energy that comes with that body will fuel me to have completed whatever the next steps necessary are for We GET To. I'll work with knowledgable, trustworthy professionals to get a financial budget in place, as well as 1,3,5 year business goals for We GET To as a nonprofit with Wacky Wednesday as it's premier project. Boardmeetings will be happening consistently and a strong action team will have formed. Wacky Wednesday will not only be a volunteer program, it will be a hospital endorsed, staff supported program being looked at by additional hospitals for staff morale building, turnover decrease, and added value for all, staff, patients and their families.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">As a part of this plan, it is most necessary to find a workspace for me outside my home. I've recently added a new diagnosis to my previous ones of AD (no second "D" - Attention Deficiency is not a disorder, it's merely a challenge some of us GET TO overcome; a character trait that builds us into who we are if you will</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><img alt="Wink" border="0" src="http://bflspirit.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif" /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">I'm also SA(no "D" or disorder there either) Seasonally Affected is again, simply a challenge, or better yet...an opportunity to succeed regardless of hurdles..those hurdles when cleared make the victories that much more sweet</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><img alt="Smiley" border="0" src="http://bflspirit.com/smf/Smileys/default/smiley.gif" /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">No medication necessary, simply a new perspective and a strong will. Back to the new diagnosis...I'm a special needs child. God knows I'm not trying to be His difficult daughter, I simply have surroundings that are necessary for energy to flow that allows me to produce. It may be appealing for some to stay in their pajamas, working infront of a computer all day, but that's not the best atmosphere for me. I've given it go after go. So if I've not acquired a work space in 12 weeks, I'll certainly have strong leads and a plan in place to acquire it sooner than I'm set to now</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><img alt="Grin" border="0" src="http://bflspirit.com/smf/Smileys/default/grin.gif" /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">And my love of all loves, inspirational speaking...I'll have atleast one nicely paid annual conference keynote on the calendar for 2012 and the momentum will be building for increased opportunities there as well. While I've been serving my community with Wacky Wednesday and pro bono We GET To talks, I've not been serving my family and our financial needs. Poor hubby needs help with the kids ever growing financial requirements. One of the many blessings that will be born of We GET To as a nonprofit, will be me meeting more decision makers who will embrace the value of what I offer their organizations in the way of speaking and training on perspective and perseverance.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><br />
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">That being said, how I look back at the past 3 years is not as a period in which I 'fell' but as one that was necessary for my own personal development. One that gives me the opportunity to pick myself up and show others what is possible. One of my alltime favorite quotes is "Learning is a gift even if pain is the teacher." I've learned much in the 3 years since Jonnae's passing. For that I am grateful. I now GET TO take the wisdom born of the good, as well as the difficult, use it and share it.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: tahoma, verdana; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><br />
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</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-5502984841565984462011-06-19T07:07:00.000-07:002011-06-19T07:07:57.733-07:00The Gifts of a Storm<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 6.94444px; line-height: 1px;"><img height="450" id="il_fi" src="http://www.iphoneography.com/storage/steven-mc-garr/steven-mc-garr/storm.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1260703457229" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.648438) 2px 2px 8px; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-left: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="600" /></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 6.94444px; line-height: 1px;"></span>For the second morning in a row, the Kentuckiana area has awakened to some pretty severe thunderstorms. This morning's storms are a bit more violent.<br />
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Yesterday, as the rest of my family slept in, I sat in the quietness of a mild storm and reflected. I, as many do, like the 'perks' that come with a rainy day. Sleeping in, diversion from every day living; a forced vacation day if you will. Even tasks that have fallen to the bottom of the priority list, for far too long, can be completed as the direct result of a rainy day. Maybe not a vacation day, but the sense of accomplishment stemming from that kind of productivity is quite nice also.<br />
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I've always had a fascination and intrigue with thunderstorms and as I once again compare the literal to the figurative, I'm blessed with a sense of gratitude for reawakened awareness. If not for rainy days, mundane cycles may never be broken.<br />
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Sometimes rainy days act as a sedative and help us catch up on much needed sleep. More violent storms, jolt us from our slumber and result in a necessary 'wake up' call. That's how I perceive the violent storm of Jonnae's leukemia...a necessary wake up call. I'm thankful for the jolt that resulted in a new list of priorities. I was sleep walking through life, hypnotized by a mundane rat race. I'm grateful for the litany of awarenesses that came from our hurricane named 'Leuk'. Because of the severity of damage 'Leuk' would eventually wreak, my Creator rebuilt me into someone incapable of being destroyed by a<i> natural disaster</i>. I'll never again return to the mundane. Life may temporarily challenge me with a distraction, but thankfully I'm now programmed to default back to a consciousness that's much more enlightened.<br />
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I may create a plan and forget for a while that ultimately there is a plan greater than mine. Eventually I get a wake up call that reminds me. It may come in the form of a violent storm. So yes, I'm grateful for them. I may fall into the old habit of hosting a pity party and speaking like a victim, but a mild storm comes and with a clap of thunder I'm reminded of the power that comes from above. With awe and wonder, I allow Him to give me strength and rise again to being a victor. Storms are one of God's tools to keep us awake, open to and mindful of Him.<br />
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If the sun shone brightly every day, if the sky were always blue, we'd fall into the mundane and not have a heightened sense of gratitude for them. As the rest of my family is beginning to stir and we're set to celebrate Father's day, I'm grateful for much this morning. Mindful and present to many more gifts than I would have been had I not been jolted from my sleep, by a violent storm.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-7611131080696787582011-06-04T22:08:00.000-07:002011-06-05T04:43:28.106-07:00Come Home!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">For the past 2 months, I've been pouring my heart and energy into a special celebration/benefit created to celebrate Jonnae's 3rd Heavenly Birthday. It's a day long event to celebrate her life and help raise funds to grow We GET To as a nonprofit that will implement Wacky Wednesday into children's hospitals across the country. It all started with a friend's want to help me raise the funds necessary to take Dr Patch Adams up on his invitation to join Wacky Wednesday with his mission trip to Russia in November. She suggested a telethon with 25 callers, each with a goal to raise 500.00. Broken down that way, the fundraising didn't seem so daunting and I'd have the necessary funds to stock the current Wacky Wednesday cart at Kosair for a year, cover the state/federal/membership fees to apply for 501c3 status to grow We GET To as a nonprofit and be able to join Patch in Russia.<br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />A new energy and enthusiasm fueled my spirit as ideas continued to sprout forth from the seed my friend had planted. When we first discussed a day/date to hold this telethon, Sunday night was thrown out as the best possible time to make calls asking for financial support. It would likely be the best time to reach supporters by phone. However, since Wacky Wednesday is what this vision is all about, it felt better to me to have the telethon on a Wednesday. Then it occured to me that Jonnae's 3rd Heavenly Birthday was coming up. A Wacky Wednesday FUNdraising party would be a great way to celebrate her, her life, and "Heavenly Birth"<br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />My youngest son came up with "Wack Attack" as the name for the event. It has indeed turned out to be a plan where Southern Indiana and Louisville will be attacked with 'wack'iness all day this Wednesday, June 8. So many across the country...world for that matter...have been impacted by Jonnae's courage, faith, and want to replace sorrow with joy. Based on the Celebration of Life we had for her one week before Jonnae's birth into Heaven, it was easy for me to imagine that as many who helped and participated then, would for the Wack Attack now. Through the promotion, planning and preparations, it doesn't apprear that will be the case. Not many tshirts were bought, 25 callers haven't been secured, I've 'heard crickets' when I've put out calls of action. But the Wack Attack isn't until Wednesday. Donations will be made at www.weGETto.com, people will show up to celebrate her at the Creative Workshop in Louisville, Cluckers is behind this mission 100% and many of our friends will go eat there to support them in supporting us. I GET TO wait and see. I'll probably be pleasantly surprised.<br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />A most interesting revelation has come of this experience. Since Jonnae's "Heavenly Birth" I've been busting my tail. First, I poured myself into editing and publishing the blogs I'd written the last nine months of Jonnae's life. (To date nearly 1500 copies of "Heavenly Birth. A Mother's Journey. A Daughter's Legacy." are in circulation.) I've been desperately seeking the person, group, or company that will embrace the book and help get it out to the world in a larger way. In addition to the book, I've exhausted myself in trying to build a career out of inspirational speaking. I can't explain the gift given and received when I GET TO speak to audiences about the lessons and blessings that have come wrapped in this tragedy turned triumph. Through the book, the speaking, the planning of the "Wack Attack" I've continually lost my way.<br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Most of the time, I wasn't aware I was lost. If I was, I seemed to have no idea the way back. Until...a couple of weeks ago God decided to reign me back in. He began at my niece's dance recital during the final routine. As OneRepublic's song, "Come Home" played, a montage of each dancer saying "Come Home" played on a big screen. I didn't think much about it at the time. Later that evening, I was reading "Inspired Women Succeed" - a book of stories by 40 women (I'm one of them) who share what's inspired them to succeed. (book can be ordered at www.inspiredwomensucceed.com) Typical of my nature, I decided to pluck stories in a random order. Since I've not had much structure in my life of late, <i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Prioritize</i> was the subtitle to jump off the page at me. I read the story where a woman tells of a time she called her husband in distress and he simply said, 'Come home'. After hearing "Come Home" so many times earlier in the day, I did think something of the words this time. Since it just so happened that the day these words were ringing over and over to me was May 21, the day the 'rapture' was all the hype, I lightheartedly <i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">said</i> to Our Creator<i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">, "If today's the day you tell me to Come Home, I'm ready."</i></span></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">On the way back home from the dance recital earlier, I had stopped and rented the movie<i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"> "Secretariat" </i> I decided it was a good time to pop the movie in and watch it. Not far into the story, Diane Lane calls home to update her husband on the happenings of her recently deceased father's business. Her husband pleas with her to "Come home"</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">What is it your telling me Lord? I don't understand. I'm home all the time. I'm trying to figure out how I get out in the world and support my family while serving you. What does "Come home" mean? </i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">A couple days later, I awoke with a song in my head. A song we used to sing in church often when I was young...<i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">"Come back to me, with all your heart. Don't let fear keep us apart. Trees do bend though straight and tall. So must we to others call.</i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Long have I waited for your COMING HOME to me and living deeply our new life. </i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><i style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></i></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">What I wouldn't give to hear God talking to me this way all the time. I still didn't know what 'come home' meant, but without a shadow of a doubt, He was trying to get through to me. It was in talking to another of my dear friends that I realized God was asking me to return to Him, completely, whole heartedly, without fear. I didn't think I was living in fear. I didnt' think I had ever left home/Him. But truth is...I had. It was fear that had me seeking someone to show me the way to getting my message out there through the book and speaking. I've been scrambling around in desperation to find others to join me in the Wack Attack. I've been far from home...the peace I have in the center of God's grace - His Word, my faith.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">When I was 'working my way' through life during Jonnae's illness, I cleared every hurdle with ease simply by keeping my eyes on God. In the eye of the storm, in the hospital stays, in the face of her <span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: line-through;">death</span> "Heavenly Birth", I never left 'home.' I naturally defaulted to God, letting Him show me the way. I didn't exhaust myself scrambling to find someone else to help/show me. I didn't rely on anyone joining me. It was simply me and God all the way. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Tonight, once again, I began to get distracted by the amount of people who've not stepped forward to participate and celebrate Jonnae with the Wack Attack. (for those of you who have, you have no idea the depth of gratitude I have for you) A visual popped up in my head to set me straight. I didn't literally see Him ofcourse, but the thought of God taking His two fingers like we do when we point at our own eyes and then to someone elses, as if to say, "You and me. I'm looking at you. Don't take your eyes off me." That's what came to me.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Home is where your heart is. When mine is with God, in faith, there's nothing that can distract me offcourse. There's nothing to interfere with my peace. My exhaustion comes from being 'homesick.' God's calling me back home. Oh how I've missed Him so. As I attend what would have been Jonnae's graduation today and the Wack Attack and Jonnae's Heavenly Birthday this week, it is the perfect time to return 'home' and stay with Him. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-23559179872715547552011-05-19T09:28:00.000-07:002011-06-05T04:46:14.973-07:00We're Having A Wack Attack, June 8 - Don't miss it!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia2v3QcrbdL8nZjtycMj8R55wSYcINMtt5ja91xQ7VgW5lL4Tw8a3XiEa1YWZaGpde1lQjRMWo3R9N60ohkgBQCPTLnIimJALlwEOFSqoprEAGdkxzxqAr2pwNuPn3QqmizSNKNhJbxksz/s1600/We%2527re+Wack+Attack+final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir69HDrcU3iyg2eiGgi2EnPMuZCZ6T-tUScS4JTO8-UiWUYwfIZRj4bMlh_2dEkFbsdmimo7vwglgKc543GdGTJfAX_j4BwkoS2dcPDZoiNnSj-1Ghopuh8M2GHgR8NCdjjvQf2h4aP9-Y/s1600/We%2527re+Wack+Attack+final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir69HDrcU3iyg2eiGgi2EnPMuZCZ6T-tUScS4JTO8-UiWUYwfIZRj4bMlh_2dEkFbsdmimo7vwglgKc543GdGTJfAX_j4BwkoS2dcPDZoiNnSj-1Ghopuh8M2GHgR8NCdjjvQf2h4aP9-Y/s320/We%2527re+Wack+Attack+final.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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For those of you who may be visiting this blog for the first time or unaware of the Wacky Wednesday program Jonnae and I had envisioned creating, let me give you a brief recap. She was going through a bone marrow transplant, had been in the hospital for a couple of months, and received an email about spirit week back home at her school (we were in Cincinnati a couple hours away) During spirit week students were encouraged to dress Wacky on Wednesday.<br />
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It is said we are motivated by one of two things - desperation or inspiration. This was a case where I was motivated by the former; desperate to give Jonnae (us) something to smile about. I suggested we could get wacky wherever we are and asked if she'd like to create a wacky look for me. She lit up like a Christmas tree. Her spirit filled smile had a way of creating a contagious joy. As she grabbed the eyebrow pencil out of my makeup bag and drew a unibrow on my forehead and blacked out one of my teeth, we both shifted our focus from the seriousness and stress of her sickness to the silliness. Turns out laughter truly is the best medicine and the side effects are great.<br />
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She proceeded to give me ridiculous ponytails and pulled items out of my wardrobe that should never be worn together. I blacked out one of her teeth, gave her two different colored eyebrows and put a tattoo smack in the middle of her forehead. Head to toe we looked ridiculous. So much so, my husband didn't want to exit the elevator with us to indicate we were 'together' lol.<br />
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I must admit, when the kids left the house in years prior, dressed abnormally for the spirit week's Wacky Wednesday, I never thought, "Wow! That looks like fun. I want to do that!" 3 years into getting Wacky on Wednesday, I still don't always embrace the fun that can be wrapped in getting wacky. It's not a great deal of fun, nor am I comfortable, having people look at me like I'm a 'wack job' instead of the visionary behind weekly healing doses of worldwide laughter through Wacky Wednesdays.<br />
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It's been a great experience for me. I used to talk myself into being 'brave' and just doing it. Then I'd walk into a child's hospital room and be reminded, bravery isn't leaving your ego and vanity at the house to go out into the world wacky, it's within these walls as our babies and young ones fight courageously to live. It's interesting to think, as a country, we embraced Casual Fridays to be comfortable and bless ourselves, but we'll opt out of being Wacky on Wednesday at the thought of being uncomfortable to bless others.<br />
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So with that thought in mind, will you risk being uncomfortable to bless others and have a "Wack Attack" with us on June 8? Any one of us has seriousness and stress in our lives that could be replaced with silliness for a day ... and bless us with healing as a result of having done it. We are celebrating Jonnae's 3rd "Heavenly Birthday" one day early with a special Wacky Wednesday where we're attacking whomever, wherever, with wackiness :D Here locally in the Kentuckiana area, we've got a gym, bank, orthodonist office, workshop facility and restaurants participating and sponsoring the Wack Attack. Staff, tellers, and servers will be dressed wacky and each establishment is doing something to raise funds for the furthering of Wacky Wednesday. These funds will be used to stock the cart we have for supplying the patients with wacky items, printing materials for promotion of the program and training under Patch Adams in November. In hearing about Wacky Wednesdays he's invited me to tour with his group to Russian orphanages, clinics and hospitals for two weeks. And he's promised to implement Wacky Wednesday in his hospital, Gesundheit Institute, when it opens. (they broke ground last September) I can't grow this program without your support.<br />
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If you live in the Kentuckiana area you can get a Wack Attack shirt from me for 12.00 (just reply to this blog or shoot me a message) while out of towners can order the white tshirt at <a href="http://www.cafepress.com/WackyWednesdays">http://www.cafepress.com/WackyWednesdays</a> (the front of the tshirt is the design displayed at the top of this blog with We GET To Celebrate Jonnae Taylor - Heavenly Birth June 9, 2008 on the back) Whether local or not, whether you go to www.weGETto.com to make a donation, wear a tshirt , dress wacky, come down to The Creative Workshop in Louisville for the telethon or go to the participating restaurants, there are so many ways for you to celebrate the life and spirit of Jonnae and support and spread the word about Wacky Wednesday. As so many of you did with Jonnae's Celebration of life, whether here in town or not, I hope you'll join us!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-47071086935498566762011-03-21T12:43:00.001-07:002011-03-21T15:06:21.336-07:00"What is your will for me anyway God?"<div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://bishoysblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/asking-for-gods-will.jpg&imgrefurl=http://bishoysblog.com/2010/03/21/8-keys-to-find-gods-will-in-your-life-2/&usg=__bOs9doTYY3kUHScKUV3FPLyL4bw=&h=318&w=318&sz=9&hl=en&start=40&sig2=zLU5qcYTyCYz8ffHl8aBvA&zoom=1&tbnid=zShe0iMu3rFvZM:&tbnh=120&tbnw=116&ei=jMOHTdbqO4rcrAHQkfm6Bw&prev=/images%3Fq%3DGod%27s%2Bwill%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D796%26bih%3D540%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=115&vpy=161&dur=3466&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=8&ty=248&oei=W8OHTaW7AoHMqwH-i-W0Bg&page=4&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:40" class="rg_hl" id="rg_hl"><img src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQRIwlpQF3ceBCifvw_7CpC_nIQouj3DCezlIyTLSjoXrItlyYR" style="width: 225px; height: 225px;" height="225" width="225" class="rg_hi" id="rg_hi" width="225" height="225" /></a><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Daggone it! I'm in a place I was hoping to never revisit... the bottom of 'The Pit.' But before I pour my heart out into this blog for the world to either embrace or judge, let me just say, <span style="font-style: italic;">Even though I'd rather be somewhere else, I know I've got what it takes to get out of here..and quickly. In the end I'll be better because of it. I don't appear to be certain of much these days, but of this I am sure!</span><br /></div></div><br />What's prompted this return to the blogging world after a long hiatus is what I expect will also keep me actively present in it -<br /><br />I thought I knew and I thought I was ready! Evidently I'm not or I wouldn't be frustrated or it this long in coming. Answers often come through my writing. A body that's been weary for a while, eyes stinging from tears, desperate for answers, here I sit; ready to see what's revealed through words that come forth.<br /><br />I thought I knew what direction God wanted me to go in and I thought I was ready.<br /><br />I thought I knew my speaking and writing could become a career and I thought I was ready.<br /><br />I thought I knew how to share the gifts life has given me and I thought the world was ready to receive them.<br /><br />I thought I knew how to share my message in front of a camera, from a place of authenticity, and I thought I was ready for the response. (I was way off on this one. It's the straw that broke the camel's back today.)<br /><br />I thought I knew all of this was according to God's plan...certainly His will...now I'm not so sure. Which leads me to the question, "What is your will for me anyway God?"<br /><br />The voice of discouragement has been resounding at higher volume of late. It's not music to my ears in the least. Trust me, I've tried to drown it out with faith, perseverance, gratitude, prayer, and yes... patience (although some would debate that last one for sure. ;) But I assure you I've given it my best effort.<br /><br />I found a passion in writing, sharing from a place of authenticity during Jonnae's battle with leukemia and for the most part was accepted and supported for who I was. I was comfortable, even bold, speaking my heart and mind; not caring or looking for acceptance or support, just needing a place to think and have a voice. I found an inner acceptance and love of who I am that was foreign to me and I loved giving the lessons I was being taught a voice. Me as I am and the lessons were embraced. It was an incredible ride for all!<br /><br />With a daughter's suffering and life at stake, I was not distracted with someone's judgment of me. I shared my thoughts with no other intention than to speak my truth, confident and assured. The ball stayed in my court. Even though to many it appears Jonnae lost to leuk, I know different. Her 'game of life' ended in victory. I was ready to continue on with the same game plan so mine would also.<br /><br />However, it's an entirely different ball game. The field has changed and my batting average has suffered. I've had an increase in unforced errors and the score would reflect I've fallen behind. I am beyond ready to have a comfortable lead. It's been an exhausting slump and I'm trying to figure out just what the plan is now. What is the position God wants me at anyway?<br /><br />I wasn't about to conform to the world's game plan during Jonnae's fight. Focusing on statistics, odds, players that have no place on God's eternal field. The world wasn't asking me to conform either. Now, as I seek to stay in the game, it does appear the world wants me to conform to it's perspective...it's plan; in the business sense of it anyway. It wants to polish me, have me speak scripts, be politically correct. It doesn't want me to show up as I am naturally. It wants me to learn to play it's way. Apparently, I'm not enough as I am. That's not working for me.<br /><br />It takes me back to when I first started playing golf. Perfect analogy. My natural drive was astounding (no ego, just fact, I was competing in the World's Longest Drive contest only two years after I picked up a driver) but that wasn't good enough. I was encouraged to take lessons and learn the correct form. Result...not nearly as good. A long beautiful drive is no longer in my bag and the game not nearly as fun as it was with natural, raw talent. So there within lies my issue. Why fix what's not broken? Seems pretty clear to me now. If the business world isn't going to accept the gift of my message and how it's delivered..which is how I enjoy the game most...maybe it's time to play somewhere/something else. I'm left to wonder.<br /><br />So maybe I don't know. Maybe I'm not ready. For now, all I can do is seek the ultimate coach, my Creator, and ask once again, "What is your will for me anyway?"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-2335168700802546572010-10-22T17:15:00.000-07:002010-10-22T17:18:28.519-07:00Safe in HIS arms<span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" id="internal-source-marker_0.5031266649335412">More and more I'm feeling the effects of backlog as so much powerful awareness is coming to me. Yet, I've not been able to find the ‘portal of peace' that allows the release of these thoughts to flow out in writing. Tonight I’ve decided whether it’s a place that’s comfortable or not, I GET TO write in the room I wrote many a night as we waited for Jonnae to take her last breath. This house is smothering me. My family seems to be fine and quite content, but I feel like superman would have if imprisoned with cryptonite. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The best way I can describe where I currently find myself is once again a daughter in the lap of her Father. Only this time I’m a child who's so emotional I cry at the drop of a hat; so tired I can’t seem to accomplish the simplest task.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">For a while I thought I was coming down with something. In order to be considered an official volunteer with no need for a hospital escort for Wacky Wednesday, I GOT TO get vaccinated with MMR because one the titers evidently wasn’t strong enough for their liking. I don’t have much faith in our medicinal precautions. I wouldn’t have gotten the shot were not for my want to be able to visit the kids and this would keep me from getting permission to do so. I thought the physical fatigue could be the side effects they warned of. I don’t think that’s the case however. Although I feel completely unlike myself and frustrated as a result, I do know what it is. It's fatigue. Complete and total exhaustion, mind, body, and soul.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I've heard the spiritual guidance suggesting it's time to rest, to allow solutions to arise and trust help will come. Yet, I've continued to seek, work, and wear myself out. As a result of not listening to my wiser self, the weaker self has the ball in her court. Just as the sports ad states, I believe life is a game of you vs you. I have been so distracted by the dollar and where the next one will come from, I've been giving away my joy and power to create fulfilled days.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As soon as I had resolved to listen to the voice of reason and rest, the distraction known as financial instability screamed louder, "Not gonna happen." My husband was hospitalized for stroke symptoms. After every test in the book, the only explanation the doctors had was stress. As a result my children want to know when I'm going to help relieve the family’s stress, stop chasing a dream of passion and purpose and get a "real job." I understand their questions, concerns, and thinking. However, I refuse to sign up for a life of dragging myself to a job I don't enjoy, away from what I know is my calling, with no say of whether or not I'm surrounding myself with positive spiritual people, for the sake of receiving a consistent paycheck. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It's become apparent there is no 'normal' life for me to experience anymore and for that I am truly MOST grateful. If I could, I wouldn't have Jonnae come back if it meant going back to the person I was. She wouldn't want different than what is for me or for her.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There is so much in the way of reconstruction and reentry into life after releasing a child into Heaven. The most difficult being I feel like I'm conscious in an unconscious world.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">How was it with a daughter fighting for her life, just the two of us quarantined in a hotel suite for a month of waiting, I experienced heaven on earth? I can tell you how it was. We were shown love and support from a community that wanted to give us peace however they could. There was no worry of how bills would get paid because of them. We could watch movies, create art, and enjoy the gift of simply being together for the time we had. There was no one attacking us with their opinions of what we should or shouldn’t be doing. There was simply time and filling it with love of one another and God. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Watching her suffer, unable to imagine what life would be like without her, my heart was breaking, yet life was miraculously beautiful. Now, even though my heart is forever broken, still, I know I can live a peaceful, joyfilled life. I've already lived it to know it's possible. God's placed this dream on my heart to speak and write and discerned many times His wants for and from me. Most of the time I'm really excited about what I believe is to come and I'm content if it doesn't.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Then there are times like this, where I'm struggling with everything. I don't require much to be happy, energetic, and excited about this gift called life. I can clearly see the vision and don’t mind that it’s going to take a lot of perseverance to get there. If I were just able to stay with my eyes on God and not get distracted by financial insecurity and the “normal living” of the world.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As much as I want to keep God in my sight and share words written and spoken with people anxious to be at God's banquet with me, I have a family with needs that I'm not contributing to when it comes to income and finances. Without the team I dream of having to direct, support, and experience this 'ride' with me, no full schedule of events to speak at, no sacred space to escape to for writing, I'm experiencing long lonely days in a quiet home that we are blessed to have, yet most painful memories of a life no longer here loom in every room. I go to sleep remembering shared heart wrenching conversations I had with my ‘mini me’ while she lay in my bed and where I woke to find her peaceful face and lifeless body. I eat where she cooked food for her baby (her dog Sassy..and yes I did say she cooked for her) and where she loved to paint fingernails. (mine and hers) The family room is where she sat lifelessly while my mother massaged her feet; where she mumbled and groaned as her platelets dropped and blood clotted in her nose and mouth. Lydia moved into Jonnae’s room, yet I can’t share time with her in there without recalling all the time I shared with her sister. These are natural emotions, memories, and challenges, yet I know as long as I’m in this house, I’m bound to them.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Where does the help come from? When do the dreams seem within reach? Where does the motivation come from for me to do what's necessary to feel like myself again? I know If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me. I know this is a season that will pass. It's a season like several I've already lived through and will survive again. God is my strength and He’s never failed me. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I am a bit surprised, and a bit aggravated, that it's a season that’s come now. Winter is the month I have a tendency to feel ‘dead’, not fall. If I’m feeling like this now, what do I GET TO do to keep me from dragging it out through the real ‘gray season?’ I’m sick of days being like sand through the hour glass. (Oh brother, really? I’m going to use the opening of a daytime soap opera? I decided to lighten it up and inject some humor :D) Seriously, if not for Ellen Degeneres and America’s Funny Home videos I’d be in much worse shape. Laughter is the best medicine! I may have dropped some of the habits that better serve me, but I will never stop turning to humor as my knot on the end of the rope to get me climbing out of the pit. Humor and the Love of God, two things that are never out of my grasp. I may be tired, but I’m safe in His arms!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-12835698432484539572010-10-13T14:31:00.001-07:002010-10-13T14:31:29.918-07:00Today's Woman article on Real Survivors<div><embed src="http://static.issuu.com/webembed/viewers/style1/v1/IssuuViewer.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" menu="false" quality="high" scale="noscale" salign="l" flashvars="mode=embed&layout=http%3A%2F%2Fskin.issuu.com%2Fv%2Flight%2Flayout.xml&showFlipBtn=true&pageNumber=28&documentId=101001171004-d28b44b65af948de85cd79aaeda843ae&docName=todayswomanoctober2010&username=todayswoman.com&loadingInfoText=Today's%20Woman%20October%202010&et=1287005387942&er=66" style="width:420px;height:273px" name="flashticker" align="middle"></embed><div style="width:420px;text-align:left;"><a href="http://issuu.com/todayswoman.com/docs/todayswomanoctober2010?mode=embed&layout=http%3A%2F%2Fskin.issuu.com%2Fv%2Flight%2Flayout.xml&showFlipBtn=true&pageNumber=28" target="_blank">Open publication</a> - Free <a href="http://issuu.com" target="_blank">publishing</a> - <a href="http://issuu.com/search?q=womens%20issues" target="_blank">More womens issues</a></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-33743078862640653372010-09-20T08:50:00.000-07:002010-09-20T19:05:15.526-07:00If You Want to You Will!<div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtJnmIYldNtKyTQBGzkdMf9ENxbBRywYgb8j-saSmR7_5Wxkxxd5qpnpCVpmNVWGjOFktOWujamJmzzQh_8VbKDt_jjXEn5x7OgiuieFWgxUbA0gcxrPgeIBnh3aIs6B3BLqD8O6E5OGaP/s1600/visionboard.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 280px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtJnmIYldNtKyTQBGzkdMf9ENxbBRywYgb8j-saSmR7_5Wxkxxd5qpnpCVpmNVWGjOFktOWujamJmzzQh_8VbKDt_jjXEn5x7OgiuieFWgxUbA0gcxrPgeIBnh3aIs6B3BLqD8O6E5OGaP/s400/visionboard.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5519181050361554306" border="0" /></a>It's been a year since the backslide of my physical shape began. Seriously??? I thought I'd never be here again. Recently I've become aware of several cycles that do not lend themselves to my living in peace or joy. Yet I managed to fall back into them.<br /></div><br />Not choosing to nourish my body with the best food for it, is one bad habit I fell back into. I've been aware of this cycle for some time. A more debilitating habit that I've not been conscious of, is the limiting belief that I need to prove my value to others. This is spiritual <span style="font-style: italic;">junk food </span>I refuse to put on my plate, now that I realize I've been binging on it with a side of "Will I ever be good enough?" This is the cycle that is my achilles heel.<br /><br />In my quest to make my passion, my life's work, I managed to pick the weight back up that I thought I'd left forever. The consequence of ingesting physical and spiritual junk food. No more! As the song says, "Change is a comin'!"<br /><br />In a recent publication of Success Magazine, Magic Johnson shared one of his tips for success, "I learned to work with my strengths and manage my weaknesses." It's not that difficult a concept to embrace. Not for me anyway. I acquired a multitude of insights through Jonnae's battle with Leuk. It's gratitude for all of those gifts that keep me from being consumed with sorrow. One of the most valuable of those gifts being I am more than good enough as I am. Trust me, that's not my ego talking. That's simply a light God chose to shine on me in a time of darkness; could very well be the only way I was going to absorb that truth. Crazy as it sounds, confined to the walls of my teenage daughter's hospital room, I'd never felt more free. The people pleasing chains fell and the weight of not being good enough was shed.<br /><br />I live life much <span style="font-style: italic;">lighter</span> when I'm allowing my strengths to fuel my ride; being myself naturally. Not when I'm pushing a cart of my weaknesses uphill in a heavy<span style="font-style: italic;"> vehicle</span> that's not me.<br /><br />No longer am I resorting to quick food that's not healthy. My healthy habits have been taken off the shelf and reactivated. It's only been one week and I'm feeling the benefits of clean eating. I'm not expecting overnight instant gratification. I've been down this road before and know that long term results come with time.<br /><br />The charge of a new vision board with words my husband spoke to me about a week ago (hence my enlightenment, "Thank you babe!") "If you WANT to YOU WILL... " keep me motivated; fueling my momentum in the right direction. I was recently complaining about something...yes I'm human and do fall into that tricky lil habit occassionally, lol...It was likely a statement about not fitting into my clothes or not finding a literary agent or publisher. My husband's response..."Do something about it then!" I squealed my reply, "I'm trying!" He shocked me into a powerful truth when he said, "No you're not. I know you. If you want to you will and nothing will stand in your way."<br /><br />No longer am I willing to make poor choices while living unconscious. No longer will I exhaust myself while subconsciously trying to transform a weakness into a strength. I've reawakened and will go with the strengths God chose to give me. That's when I live my happiest life - the life I'm intended to live - when I stop fighting the weakness, go with the strength, and appreciate who God's created in me.<br /><br />My visionboard says, "If you WANT to YOU WILL...."<br />Live the dream,<br />SOAR<br />Whatever your 100% looks like, give it NOW,<br />Stop at NOTHING,<br />Trust your instincts,<br />Play BIG,<br />Give thanks!<br />Keep the creativity alive,<br />Become one of America's Best Selling Authors<br />Live Happily ever NOW<br />Create the body you REALLY want<br />Play longer,<br />Plan FUN<br />FOCUS<br />Getaway<br />and include pics that represent dreams (Ellen getting Wacky on Wednesdays :D<br /><br />What's your dream? Fill in the blank, "If you WANT to YOU WILL..."<br />and JUST DO IT!!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-46996105185035214022010-08-08T17:34:00.000-07:002010-08-10T17:22:40.523-07:00Of this I AM SURE!<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="http://www.letterplayground.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/The+Best+is+yet+to+Come.jpg" src="http://www.letterplayground.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/The+Best+is+yet+to+Come.jpg" /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Once again... I thought I knew something for sure and I was wrong. I used to choke down the humble pie when I was served a good size piece of it. Now, even though I'd rather enjoy something different, I savor it. I just read tonight, "Knowledge is power. Enthusiasm is the switch that turns it on." I am not enthusiastic when I'm wrong, but I am enthusiastic about the growth that comes from the lesson in it.<br /></div></div><br />I would never change the way I'm able to see, hear, love, or live as a result of what Jonnae and her life taught me. I only wish I could find a way to share the gifts without others going through the pain to acquire it. I believe it's possible. I GET TO keep seeking knowledge and activating the enthusiasm until I figure it out.<br /><br />It's going to take planning, focus, and discipline. Something I had through what had been the most difficult, painful trial ever...until she was gone. Having made it through life's obstacle course and Jonnae's leukemia battle with a plan, focus, and discipline so strongly in tact, I was sure I'd choose to activate them always. That's where I was wrong. I let go/lost them for a time.<br /><br />In the course of the last two years I've talked about my new found motivation and commitment to plan and focus with vigor, only to have them dissolve again. I've been able to hold on to them no better than I could a handful of sand. So I'm not going to announce "I'm back." Rather, I'm going to announce I've not given up. I'm still at it. And in the process, I'm still learning. That will always be the case and that's quite okay.<br /><br />The good news...I can sense a new supply of motivation increasing. What worked to motivate me before won't work anymore. Surprisingly... that's more good news. Now, to follow the motivation up with action...<br /><br />I used to be so motivated by competition. I was extremely EXTREMELY competitive and it was easy to follow that with action. What I've been blessed to realize is... my deep desire to win stemmed from a desperate need to be appreciated, validated, and loved. I felt overlooked, invisible, and as a result felt the need to prove my worth. That's been forever changed.<br /><br />I spent the better part of three years in a hospital room, or our home, cut off from the world. Due to her low immunity, there was a huge chunk of time that Jonnae could not have visitors. For a time, even for me to leave the hospital or house to visit others was too high risk. The experience was life changing in so many ways, but the one I'm focusing on (good practice for me here, lol) is I'm no longer desperately seeking validation, appreciation, or love. Those things are nice when provided from others, but I found an endless supply, available whenever I want to tap into it, within me. It's not an ego thing, it's a God thing. When you are all alone with yourself, to face fear, heartbreak, disappointment, and exhaustion on every account, you find a way to nurture, love, appreciate, and understand yourself on a level impossible to experience any other way. Only I know what I've endured. I've proven myself to the one on earth who's opinion mattered most. Me! And to God, well He doesn't need me to prove anything. Incredibly liberating. :)<br /><br />Not a day goes by that I don't miss Jonnae's physical presence. What I shared with her was unimaginable, indescribable, and irreplaceable. Emotional waves catch me off guard often. However, I've become a master dancer in the rain. Even the storms are beautiful through my eyes. In a wild, amazing, quite miraculous way, I enjoy life on every level in a way I wouldn't have without the experience being just as it's been.<br /><br />There is much awaiting me, in this life and the next! Of these things I AM SURE! The lessons will continue. I will never give up! and the best is yet to come!<br /><br />By the grace of God...Better every day in every way!<br />DeniseAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5155137452704977853.post-46633577161512646972010-07-15T09:10:00.001-07:002010-07-15T09:50:44.015-07:00Awareness Acquired at the Airport<div style="text-align: center;"><img alt="http://www.excellent-vacation-ideas.com/image-files/airport_delays.jpg" src="http://www.excellent-vacation-ideas.com/image-files/airport_delays.jpg" /><br /></div><br />I'm sitting at the Birmingham airport, during my 3 hour layover, on my way to the EWN International Conference in Dallas. Airports are the "Gold's gym" for the gratitude muscle workout. It's guaranteed I'm going to witness angry, impatient, or overwhelmed passengers in need of the We GET To message. Today was no exception.<br /><br />I was at the computer station near the customer service desk when a mother in tears, who had been asked to deboard a plane with her two small children, was accompanied by the stewardess to a computer to see when her next flight option was. I'm not sure what happened, but I overheard the young mother calling the flight attendant, from the plane, a bitch. I knew this frustrated mother was the perfect candidate for an I GET TO bracelet but I'm never completely confident that what I have to offer will be embraced. As is the case when presented with this type scenario, I GET TO risk the rejection, buck up, and deliver the message.<br /><br />She turned as she felt my approach, began to cry more, and allowed me to give her a hug before I spoke. She said, "I'm just overwhelmed." I shook my head and let her know I understood. Then I shared with her that there was a time when I would have been overwhelmed by the 'test' also. I too was once a young mother overwhelmed by the trials and energy required in being the caretaker of precious, precocious, small miraculous beings. However, I hoped by offering her the awareness I now have, of mothers being overwhelmed with the news of a child's illness or passing today, that this wouldn't be considered such a bad place to be. Maybe she would no longer be overwhelmed given my share. I'm not sure it helped her as I'd hoped, but I GET TO let go and let God water the seed I planted for Him. A valuable lesson in surrender that I still GET TO practice.<br /><br />I haven't been doing all that well at the surrender thing lately. I submitted a video for Oprah's search and even though I felt strongly whether or not the video was selected, it was still a winning experience, I quickly picked up the rope for another exhausting tug of war. Dreaming and releasing. Hoping and releasing. Discouraged and releasing. Disappointed and releasing. I wore myself plum out. Getting all worked up about outcomes isn't the way to peace. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe I still GET TO struggle with that when I let go and found peace through the most disappointing of all outcomes - a child not healed from leukemia. (I started to say a child lost to leukemia, but I don't see it as us having lost her as much as Heaven having gained her)<br /><br />I'm now about to board the plane destined for Dallas, TX and experience a weekend get away. I wasn't sure if it was coming at the best time or worst time. I've compared myself this week to my pregnant, hormonal days- tired and emotional beyond explanation. However, I feel myself able to reclaim my power and am ready to inspire and be inspired. Letting God water the seeds that I've been created to plant.<br /><br />By the grace of God; better and better, every day in every way,<br />DeniseAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11288918221246509318noreply@blogger.com3