Power of Words

A sweet young teen I've been blessed to know experienced her "Heavenly Birth" yesterday. Emma reminded me much of my own teenage daughter Jonnae, who experienced her "Heavenly Birth" in June of '08. These two amazing warriors were diagnosed with cancer in their early teen years. 

Many, when speaking of them say, 'They lost their battle with cancer.' I, however, don't see it that way at all. I witnessed both of them up until the end, cross the finish line as champions. They were victors, living life to the fullest, using humor and positive perspective every step of the way. (that's her in the picture, celebrating Wacky Wednesday with me and her visitors, knowing she was going home from the hospital to experience her 'Heavenly Birth' from home) Oh no! They did not lose! They are now experiencing their rewards of eternal life for having been faithful servants and illuminating the way for us. With them, God is well pleased!

Words are a weapon that destroy or a tool that build. There is so much power in a word. I know this on a level many may never come to fully understand, which is why I will never stop trying to shed a light on the 'darkness of death.' If one has just let go of a loved family member, how can it expedite their healing for them to see and hear over and over and over again, "I'm so SORRY for your LOSS" (?) I empathize with the pain. I'm not saying one should not allow themselves to feel it. I'm just saying we are so not aware of the overall truth in that experience and the words that better serve it. I'm a minority in my awareness of a more effective way to love on someone and expedite their healing...not adding more darkness with the words I speak. (although I completely understand the intention is good) There is a light, love and healing we offer when we see from a different angle.  When we know a loved one was faithful, loving and courageous why is 'loss' what comes to mind? or the word we choose to put all the emphasis on? Yes! It's the earthly ending. It's not death! A soul doesn't die unless it's joined forces with the devil. We use the word loss because we are thinking of the ones left behind, right? but we GAINED! and so did they! We gained inspiration in their example of love, light, courage and faith and they have gained eternal life in Heaven. Sorrow and loss aren't the words I choose...gratitude for the gifts are - the gift their earthly life was to all who are blessed by it and the gift of their salvation that they are now experiencing. Make sense? I hope so. For I so LOVE life, which includes "Heavenly Birth" and I'm grateful and celebrating it ALL for the gift from God that it is. The best is yet to come. We have nowhere close to experienced it on this earth. The ones who've departed are experiencing it. And for that my tears are brief and quickly turn into dancing!

May the same hold true for Emma's family and friends. She, Jonnae and Emma's father, Joey are doing some pretty special happy dances in Heaven. I'll hold that in my mind, heart and spirit knowing once our purposes have been served here, we'll be doing the same. (They just did theirs in record time, ahead of OUR schedule. Not ahead of the ONE who's mastered it ;D
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

*additional thought...the following words are lyrics from a secular song that has no intention of keeping us mindful of the gift of life and the gift of a "heavenly birth" I often translate the world's popular music (unfortunately my teens music of choice) to fit my perspective. When I can translate it as such, I make them about my relationship with God and others who bless me. The instant joy that I experience when I take a song with one intention and make it about something greater never loses its 'power factor' with me. Imagine if these words communicated the gratitude you have for the affect a person's life has had on yours. (I only love the beat and chorus of this song...not the rest of the song and the intention it was originally written.)

The sun goes down
the stars come out
and all that counts
is here and now.
The universe will never be the same.
I'm glad you came. I'm glad you came.

I smile thinking of how grateful I am Jesus, Jonnae and Emma (and whomever you give thanks for) came and changed the universe by their existence. 

Mess or Masterpiece? You GET to Choose!

I woke up and dressed in wacky attire for the creation of today's Wacky Wednesday. With doctor appointments for my 2 youngest before a radio interview at 10, it was an early start to a full morning.
I always make an attempt to talk my kiddos into donning a wacky accessory and joining me in the wackiness if we're going to be together, out and about. One was not thrilled, but willing to participate, the other not so much.

We were on our way to see the very pediatrician who diagnosed Jonnae 7 years ago in April '05. She recently declined the idea of Wacky Wednesdays for her patients. The hospital who treated Jonnae through her 3 year battle has yet to embrace Wacky Wednesday (I've been trying for the last 4years to get them to participate for the benefit of their patients, families and staff.) My own family rejects the idea, so the naysayer in my head decides to tally the score. "If you can't get the people who were closest to Jonnae to embrace the vision and participate, why in the world would you think you can get this to grow nationwide?"

Music in the car begins to lift my spirit a little. We hear the new commercial on WAY-FM promoting Horner Novelties as our Wacky Wednesday supplier and it lifts a bit more. We walk into the doctor's office to the stares and non-changing facial expressions (after 4 years I'm still intrigued as to how you could see this walking wacky woman and not change your countenance in some way) and even though I'm used to this reaction it deflates me a lil.

Into the individual rooms we go; one being seen because of an asthma/allergy flare up, the other for a follow up to being prescribed an anti depressant. This is cause for a major deflate in my spirit. I ache for my youngest daughter and the struggle she's entangled in. I've already watched a daughter's spirit get so beat down from bullying at school that it wasn't until a leukemia diagnosis and a fight to save her life ensued that she was able to shift her perspective to see things differently. The diagnosis and journey that followed changed her. It changed all of us, just not in the same way.

It's the revelation of choice, and what we can do with it, that's propelled me to write, speak, and found a nonprofit to share the tools and gifts that were uncovered in the midst of that journey with Jonnae. Our perspective, choosing gratitude, finding a way to press on...those miraculous tools and the gifts they produced continue to be revealed to me in fresh, undeniable, miraculous ways today. However, I can't force anyone, not even my children, to pick them up and use them. Choice is individually given. It can't be taken away. I don't get to choose someone else's thinking for them.

I dropped my children off at school and headed off to do the radio interview. I had time to run a couple of errands, and as often happens wherever we go, was asked, "How are you?" Well, we all know when that question is asked, the intent is not to open the doorway for one to go on with a myriad of details. However, I'm not one who follows protocol ordinarily, lol, so I proceeded to talk about the rough start I was off to for a Wacky Wednesday (mind you, today I'm wearing a zebra velour cowboy hat topped with a tiara, a red glitter cape, big ginormous mardi gras type beads, a braided blue and white wig, zebra leggings, red baseball socks, black and white chucks, glitter lashes and a milk mustache..oh! and a heart painted on the tip of my nose. Not easy to be so serious in a silly get up like this, yet still possible if you choose to be in that state. Thing about who I've become over the course of the last 7 years, is as natural as it is to breathe, my thoughts and words began shifting to speak positively with encouragement and inspiration. I've become an extremely authentic being, I can't speak one thing and be something else. So the incredible shift happened. I went from being affected by one's depression (which I can't control) to being empowered by my own choice, to let go and let God. By the time I was back in the car, I was feeling more like the inspirational, God powered being I choose to be and have become. Off to the radio station I went.

The radio interview with Joyce Oglesby of "Just Ask Joyce" of Shine 105.9 was just as such an experience tends to be, happy, uplifting and encouraging. There's something that remains constant since the day I've been set on this journey, as I speak the words of truth and inspiration that came to me during the time I needed them most, they lift others and continually lift me. God's amazing that way.

So I left the station thanking God for the turnaround that I had experienced today. Once again completely aware of the power of gratitude and choice to not create on my own, but co-create with God, a masterpiece out of my day...my life. I was compelled to share the thought on my facebook page, "Some spend their whole life making a mess of it. Some eventually turn to God and co-create with Him to turn the mess into a masterpiece. Choice! It's yours. What will you choose? Because fact of the matter is you GET to make the choice as many times as you will!"

The spirit lifting continued. The day had begun as a workout I wasn't sure I had the stamina for, I decided to press on through it, asked God for some assistance and the strength, energy, adrenaline, and joy continued to increase. Introduced to a woman who'd heard of me and wears an "I GET TO' wristband (they can be ordered at www.weGETto.org), with tears in her eyes she spoke my 'love language' to me (Words of Affirmation is my love language. Read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman if you'd like to know yours.) She said, "You are such a  wonderful woman of inspiration. The world needs you. Don't stop."

Only moments later, I was conversing with a couple as yet again, more tears welled up in the eyes of one needing encouraged. I could feel the love of God, moving and speaking through me to be the hope and inspiration one of them craved.

I headed out to stop in, unannounced, to a couple of potential sponsors for the June 6th Wack Attack Celebration of Jonnae's 4th Heavenly Birthday. As might be expected the people I had intended to see, weren't there with no appointment having been set. What some might not expect, but I'm never surprised by, were divine appointments just waiting for me to show up.

At the first one, the restaurant where Jonnae had her last dine out experience, the hostesses asked me what Wacky Wednesday was all about. As I proceeded to explain, a young girl with a shaved head, pointed to her uncle who was sitting just behind me. She said her cousin had recently been diagnosed with leukemia. I turned around to ask the gentleman if I'd visited them on a Wacky Wednesday, but recognized him instantly. He's responsible for providing one my all-time favorite Wacky Wednesday memories.

Not a place that really embraces the Wacky Wednesday vision like I dream of growing, the children's hospital is a hard place to inject with smiles and silliness. The patients are game much quicker than the staff. It's definitely a heavy spiritual workout for me. I often find myself exhausted, ready to fall into bed early Wednesday evening, a  result of it. However, this particular morning, I was given quite the energy boost, when I poked my head into a dark room. Before I could even whisper, "It's wacky Wednesday." the patients mother was hitting the leg of a sleeping man in the window seat that's often made into a make shift bed. SHE was the one who whispered it's Wacky Wednesday, and just as if an alarm clock had sounded, the man jumped up to rush out and get some wacky good from the cart to create their Wacky Wednesday. It was AWESOME! And here this man sat, as if he was the one I had an appointment with (hence why I call them divine appointments) We high fived reminiscing about that Wacky Wednesday and I went about my merry way.

On to the next unscheduled stop. I get to travel tomorrow to a speaking engagement. I thought it would be a good idea to stop in and get my oil changed. I was hardly out of the car, when I man I didn't recognize (we'd not met before) approached my car and said, "I need to ask you something." Ofcourse, I expected the question was going to be about my attire, but was pleasantly surprised when he said, "I've been trying to buy your book and the bookstores I've checked don't carry it." (it too is available at www.weGETto.org) I proceeded to tell him I'd tried to get it in bookstores, but had a traveling bookstore in my car. He was so happy to acquire a signed copy. Was such a blessing to witness that excitement in him and be a small part of what's responsible for it. Love the surprise party God continually throws for us if we allow Him to host one for us.

It's not always evident, or easy to see, He's with us; hosting surprise parties, scheduling divine appointments, co creating to produce masterpieces of our messes, but I assure you He is. I have NO DOUBT. It gets easier to continue the leap in faith, when a day such as today, one that began with a heavy, deflated, discouraged spirit turns into an undeniably, abundantly blessed, incredible day.

Now I get to return home with a strengthened, lifted, encouraged spirit to somehow be an example to my discouraged daughter when she gets home from practice. An example of what's possible when we not only ask God, but F.R.O.G. (fully rely on God) to be our strength, our light and our hope. May you too, whomever you are, whatever you're going through, be encouraged to press on, F.R.O.G and co-create a masterpiece out of what you feared was a mess. Anything is possible with God!

A New Season. A New Game Plan.

Eventually time and circumstances present themselves in the way that I crave. I’m getting closer to being able to do more of what I love and feel called to do! What I understand and know to be true is that I get to create the opportunities to make my dreams my reality. When I’ve had enough of things as they are, I’ll change what’s necessary to move me from craving and dreaming into reality and living! I’m getting close!

It’s been an extremely painful process. One I don’t think many realize, because I’ve been guarded in my sharing. Not to be secretive intentionally, for I’m much more at ease operating from a completely honest and transparent place then being careful about what I communicate. After Jonnae’s “Heavenly Birth” when it became necessary for me to create an income, I shifted from my natural transparent personal mode of being, into a controlled professional one. As my focus became what the business world wanted, my fun factor disappeared, my writing stopped, and my spirit weakened. Switching from a no holds barred personal mode, to an all about business one, hasn’t been working for me. 

I was about to write that while the past couple of years have been good for personal growth, they haven’t been good for the state of my spirit. I wasn’t even finished typing out the sentence when it became clear to me that’s not a true statement. It is because of the weakened state, that growth occurs. This is true personally and professionally, physically and spiritually. The term ‘growing pains’ was coined for a reason – with growth comes pain and with pain comes growth; tis the cycle of life.

I’ve gained a tremendous amount of insight and wisdom over the past 7 years. As a result, I’ve acquired many wonderful tools. The gift bearer of this multitude of miraculous treasure was pain.

Pain of a diagnosis, pain of a child’s suffering, pain from mourning a life no longer ours as a family to experience, pain of letting go of a best friend/soulmate/and cherished daughter, pain of loneliness when no longer surrounded by droves of people (not physically, but a presence that was obvious and proven through many forms of dialogue, snail mail, emails, response to blogs, that no longer exists) pain from being faced with financial concerns that were not present when there was a community helping us with them, pain from extreme disappointment when people I respected, loved, and thought came into my life to support and lift me, chose instead to maliciously knock me down. Pain from watching my family internalize their individual suffering and loneliness convinced no one’s was the same as theirs. Although heart wrenching and almost debilitating with emotional exhaustion that led to physical fatigue at times, these pains brought gifts; lessons, awareness and opportunities to grow. And so I’ve learned to embrace and use them. It took me longer with some than with others. And I get to work through others still.

I've been seeking a way to return to my best being, only with no desire to go about doing it as I have before. Because of the unloving, self serving leadership team involved with a program I've used in the past, and the hurtful memories associated to their actions towards me, I’ve chosen to walk away from it with no want to ever return. I’ve finally been given a creative, exciting new set of tools to build with. It’s a new season, a new game and I’m pretty stoked!

A combination of what I call ‘meditation in motion’ and ‘sacred silence’ gifted me a new game plan yesterday morning. I have Pinterest to thank for the first piece of it. (Funny, because I tweeted last week, “I ran but couldn’t hide. Pinterest finally caught me”.) As often is the case, the things we run from, often have gifts for us. Today, I’m grateful to be receiving them.

This new game plan began with a picture. A picture of two glass cylinders; one labeled ‘Pounds Lost’ one labeled “Pounds to Go” (before any of you lovely, appreciated readers interpret this is being about weight or physical appearance, it’s about so much more…read on ;)

My spirit hasn’t been as strong or healthy, because my body hasn’t been. I’ve neglected to take care of it in the same way I did through Jonnae’s illness when I had built my best, strongest, healthiest being. Granted, I took quite a hit when forced to let go of Jonnae. However, there’s a fine line where needed rest that could serve you leads to inactive living, which does not. Atrophy is the consequence of inactivity. My emotional, mental and spiritual muscles suffered a parallel atrophy to my physical when I stopped working it. I had a multitude of legitimate excuses as to why I had let go. Bottom line is inactive and weak doesn’t lead to best being or best life. I will no longer settle for less than both!

So back to the cylinders and new game plan that will lead me to the return of my best being. The Pinterest picture had colored stones representing the goal of weight loss. I’ll do something a bit different. I still move the items that represent that pounds as I shed them. It occurred to me to use beads instead of stones. I will use these beads to make a bracelet once I’ve reached my goal. The bracelet will serve as a reward, as well as a reminder of what it took to reach the finish line.  (I’m going to purchase special beads today. I plan on this being a lifetime reminder with great meaning) I decided also, to attach an incentive to each pound/bead. What always gives me incentive to let go of myself is when it will bless another. What’s interesting about that, is blessing others always has a way of blessing me back, even when that’s not my intent. It’s pretty awesome how that works.

As I let go of each pound, I get to give something special to someone else. I initially established the order to include a mix of mini rewards, some to me, some to others; none of them costly, for I haven’t the funds to do that. A new thought just came to mind however, where even the gifts to me will extend to someone else. For instance, the original order had included a manicure and pedicure for myself. I won’t be going to a spa. My intention was just to reward myself with pampering in a way that acknowledges and appreciates the accomplishment. I’ll still give myself a manicure or pedicure after the designated pound attached to that incentive. I’ll just be certain on the same day to give one to someone else. If my daughter Lydia would enjoy it, I’ll share the time and love with her. (She’s not too into that type of thing) If not, I’ll go to the nursing home or hospital and share that time and love of a manicure or pedicure with someone who could use an extra dose of it. I LOVE that idea! It’s basically an order to acts of kindness I’ve been meaning to do, but haven’t. I’ve built Lydia, the boys and my husband, Johnny into the order with shared movie nights or one on one experiences they choose to share, that will enhance our relationships and keep communication open. This kind of structured game plan, will keep me excited and focused as I move from one progressive step to the next, whether it be about the building of a stronger me across the board, the relationships that are important to me, or business. Which leads me to the next exciting development.

The We GET To Organization is now a 501c3 nonprofit entity. After 3 years of running from the process, (with all this ‘running’, I should be a bit lighter, lol) I finally took the leap of faith and submitted the application to the IRS. They've accepted and approved our application. As long as I try to work out of a home office, progress is going to be significantly slower.  I get to figure that component out soon, for it’s a bit of what I was talking about in the opening of this blog when I said, “When I’ve had enough as things are, I’ll create the opportunity.” I'm really tired of being alone, in the home, craving to be out in the world sharing this vision. I’ve made a couple attempts to secure a space. They just weren’t the right combination for an equation that works. I’m hopeful! I do believe the solution is getting closer! Keep me in prayer as I build a team to help me build a strong We GET To Organization that will outlive us all! I'm open to any suggestions and shared wisdom, as I'm in unfamiliar territory.

I ran across a 'pin' (for someone that didn’t want to engage in Pinterest, I must say, it’s a fun resource. Just like every other social media option…moderation is key!) The pin was a quote from Socrates, ”I can’t teach anyone anything. I can only make them think.” So there you have it…I gave you something to think about…it’s up to you if you choose to do something with it!

A Birthday Wish and the Sweetest of All Desserts!

Time gets away from us, doesn't it? I said to a dear friend, "It's as if the sand in the hour glass has turned to water. The hours, days, and years just flow faster and faster."

No sense in me trying to make up for time that's passed, or the thoughts I didn't sit down to write through the course of it. It's because it seemed so overwhelming a task, that such a large amount of time has slipped by without me doing so. Today, I've decided I'll begin where I am in the present and commit to share from this point forward.

I couldn't possibly begin to convey my present thoughts, without some reflection of the past. Many don't wish to remember four years ago when Jonnae was battling for more time on earth. Yet, I discovered how to make best use of my own, because of it.

I've a strong desire to recreate what I got to experience during that last bit of time with Jonnae. In a song called "Blessings" by Laura Story, one will hear her sing these words, "What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy." If not for having experienced what we did together, I'd not recognize that what I strive to create on earth, is what lies ahead in Heaven. I got to sample a taste with Jonnae, in a recipe that combined struggle, selflessness, faith and God's presence. No reason why I can't take the ingredients the gift of today offers, combine them with the recipe Jonnae and I discovered, and create more of the same sweet treat today.


I thought that's exactly what I was trying to do. However, it's only recently that I've come to realize, I was trying to be the executive chef. This is the role of the one responsible for the operation of entire kitchen. Only that's not possible. God's the executive chef. There is no 'sous chef', for that is a role created for a second in command when the executive chef is absent. That's never the case in God's kitchen. No! I see now, I'm more a line cook working in what I see as the pastry department (how divine an analogy, lol) creating sweet concoctions of love, peace, joy and inspiration. (It's important to note, even the sweetest desserts can have ingredients that are not sweet at all) See how incredibly beautiful this metaphor is when observing an illness and Heavenly Birth as ingredients for a sweet and 'soulful' recipe.

I imagine every year at this time, I'll be deep in rememberance of a past Christmas that combined an array of ingredients to create the sweetest of delicacies. I am ever awake to the fact that on my own, I will never produce such a dessert as what God did then, is doing now, and will in the future. With the enthusiasm of a child at Christmas, I anticipate with great delight, what sweet experience He's baking up in His kitchen to gift me in this year's Christmas 'present'....only a taste of what He has for us in the eternity of Heaven. 

I've unconsciously attempted to take over the bakery the past couple of years. Now that I've reawakened to my rightful place in God's kitchen, I'm confident that my 44th year will be quite the dream. I hope this analogy is enjoyable for you, as it is me. I long to share the sweet desserts I create in God's kitchen with you! Consider this, your piece of my birthday cake ;D ( I get to share my birthday with Jesus. I just heard the song, "Love was Born on Christmas Day" It may sound hokey....I assure you it's my deepest desire to be a gift of God's love to the world, at Christmas and all year through.)

I'll Die a Dreamer

The exhilarating rise, sharp turn, incredibly fast drop and pain I'm feeling as a result of being jerked around today is too much like a roller coaster to not use it as an illustration for the opening of this blog. It's an analogy that is excessively worn out and doesn't display my flare for being creative. However, I guarantee by the end of this blog, you'll have experienced a thought exceedingly more innovative! So stick with me. ;)

For several days now, I've been ascending. My level of energy has been on the rise, as well as my belief that I'm on the brink of an answered prayer...a big break...something exciting and hugely rewarding for being relentless and faithful. So when I received a call today from someone I'd touched base with about delivering the "We GET To" message, and she had a very warm lead for me, I got excited. I called her referral and he embraced what I was proposing. He gave me some insightful information and another phone number. An opportunity much bigger than the one I had initially seen was being revealed to me. My excitement escalated as my dream began wildly unfolding in my imagination. As I met and conversed with several people today, I enthusiastically shared my most recent vision with them.

Once home, the call I'd been anticipating came. I presented the vision I had for partnering with this company and presenting the We GET To message to the schools the company sponsors and got this response, "I understand and appreciate what you are doing, but we aren't able to offer additional school support or participate at this time." I thanked the man for returning my call so promptly and hung up. Reality's severe turn was followed by a fast drop of a dream and several tears. My weaker self's voice began to fill my head with discouragement. "You're a hopeless dreamer. Your family and friends just shake their heads in pity as you cling to a dream that never going to come to pass. Jonnae was a tenacious fighter. Courageous and faithfilled. She died a dreamer. What makes you think you'll be any different?" My face was covered with a wash of tears and I couldn't blow my nose fast enough or hard enough when my stronger self spoke louder.  "Remember! A 'no' means God's got something better in mind!" Better than what I imagined today? Now THAT'S EXCITING!!! :D


The tears dried up, my head still hurts from the nasal activity earlier and I don't know how this journey is going to play out. This I know for sure - I'm not any different than Jonnae. I'll keep smiling, keep praying, keep getting up, looking up, and never giving up. Come true or not... I'll die a dreamer!

Blending in isn't ALL that Bad!

I continue to be in awe of the power of awareness! There’s no limit to it making our life better, every day in every way.

Have you heard of Katie Piper? She’s a young woman who, because of her tenacity and courage, is responsible for taking my consciousness to a new heightened level.

3 years ago, this former twenty-something model was the victim of an acid attack. From the severe burns she suffered from this horrific act of violence, her face, chest and throat have been damaged for life. Blind in her left eye, skin grafts from her back to reconstruct her face, multiple surgeries on her face, eyelids, and throat (because of damage from swallowing some of the acid when it was thrown on her) this woman presses on with a mission- to turn her personal tragedy into triumph for herself and for others.

Katie. My Beautiful Friends is a four part documentary that caught my attention several weeks ago. I found it airing on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) while channel surfing late one night. Katie has formed a charity, aiding those who are dealing with severe deformities, allowing her to make personal visits and offer a support group. Throughout the documentary, she introduces us to her ongoing challenges, as well as those she’s met and encouraged. Some were born with severe deformities, some are victims of burns and others are dealing with growing, life threatening tumors. All are incredibly courageous and great examples of, not only how our circumstances could be much worse, what is possible with perspective and perseverance – two of our greatest (two of my strongest) gifts.

I was impacted greatly after viewing only the first of Katie’s four episodes. Each week my heart has been opened more. These individuals are suffering greater pain then what’s evident physically. They are suffering unnecessary mental, emotional and spiritual pain, because as a whole, we’ve chosen to look the other way and not treat them as the beautiful souls they are beneath the skin. I’ve resolved to make eye contact with anyone whose path I cross, especially those who aren’t used to experiencing eyes gazing into theirs. The extent of my compassion has increased tenfold!

This week I’ve been gifted my own personal experience, as if it were to be an exclamation point for this life altering lesson Katie’s responsible for gifting me. After taking a close look at my lower lip last week, my dermatologist decided a quick freeze of excessive sun damage would be the best treatment. With her ‘gun’ she zapped another spot just above my upper lip also. Two large blisters formed and within a couple of days, the spots have begun to scab over. So mindful of the challenges Katie and her beautiful friends deal with every day as they go out, to be either stared at or treated as if they were invisible, I’m ever present to the blessing of being able to ‘blend in,’ even with a couple unsightly blisters.

I’ve had exposure to the pain caused by staring. Not one to cry over her circumstances often, one thing that could bring Jonnae’s spirit down and lead to tears, was the staring that happened as a result of her bald head. Still, as a cancer patient there was plenty of support and compassion for her to experience. The embrace and support far outweighed the stares and galking that made her so uncomfortable. That’s not the case when it comes to these individuals with severe abnormalities that Katie has made ambassadors for her charity.

The reality check these brave people offer us is of incredible value! I’ve recently been introduced to another burn victim carrying on with life and exuding what spirit and tenacity is all about. JR Martinez, one of this season’s contestants on Dancing with the Stars, was burned on more than 40 percent of his body when his Humvee hit a land mine while he was serving in Iraq in 2003. The injuries left him with scars on his face and the loss of his left ear.

Seems life continually leaves me in a state of awe, with heightened awareness and increased gratitude. To some my challenges seem so large, yet I continue to see others with hurdles just as looming, if not larger. And…they’re clearing theirs. No greater source of inspiration than seeing what’s possible and committing to doing the same. I’ll keep clearing the hurdles and climbing the mountains, knowing that I’ll always have everything I need to accomplish whatever I want…it’s simply a matter of choosing to press on for the prize – a life lived in peace, joy, happiness and love NO MATTER WHAT! I love, Love, LOVE being awakened to the multitude of abundant blessings that surround me! Don’t you?

Enamored

I was using the self checkout aisle at Walmart last week, using a gift card to pay for my purchase. After running the card through the keypad, it reflected I hadn't paid my balance. I ran it through again and again. As they do when they see you struggling to complete your transaction, the Walmart associate overseeing the self scan stations came over to me and said, "Is it asking your scan your card?" To which I replied, "Yes! Everytime I swipe it it says ...and in unison we said, "Please scan your card" She took it out of my hand and scanned it. Ah ha!!! I was swiping my card through the key pad as you do with a credit or debit card; not SCANNING it as you do merchandise, even after I had been instructed...over and over again to scan it. I laughed and said to the teller, "God's just telling me I don't listen" I shook my head and again said, "I'm still not listening." We both shared a laugh and I went about my day.


I went about my day, unable to forget just how true it is. I'm great at talking; not so great at listening. (even my kids have told me that)

I may not be great at listening to the audible sounds of the earth. I'm a bit better at listening to the spiritual guidance of the Divine. If not for being a good spiritual listener, I'd never have sought to find the good when it was so hard to find it during Jonnae's illness. I'd never have blogged the last 9 months of her life and I'd not have created (with much help) her Celebration of Life one week before she passed. I may not hear all that well with my ears. I've been blown away, and incredibly blessed, with what happens when I listen with my soul. Today's no exception.

In January of this year, I reclaimed a room in our basement to convert into a home office. After having invested much time in dreaming about living in a house like one that was being built last year in our subdivision, overlooking a body of water (and after experiencing quite sacred moments from other waterfront properties) I decided I would paint the room a soft color like that of water. I didn't choose a true hue of blue. I chose more a robin egg or soft pale turquoise color.  I decorated the room with accessories we already had in the house, doing the best I could to create a nice room without much expense.

Although grateful for the space, it's never quite produced what I hoped it would. It's functional, organized, and what I didn't have for a work a space before. It's never provided the haven I crave or the flow of energy that I feel is blocked in the rest of our home, where so many memories exist of Jonnae. Although I embrace them all as great gifts, there's just something I can't seem to remove in the way of blocked energy. Too hard to explain and simply something I get to accept and live with for a while longer. So I press on.

I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me before, or why it did occur to me from out of nowhere last week, to check online for a large water scene mural. I googled and found many sites to shop. I think I invested the better part of an entire day considering and reconsidering my options. Still trying to keep cost to a minimum, after much back and forth as to what I would finally splurge on, I selected a smaller size mural than the ones I originally began looking at, based on the pale turquoise color of my already freshly painted room. It was the only scene that was not a true blue, but turquoise. It arrived within a couple of days and I applied it to the wall last weekend.

Although satisfied with the mural and the color of the wall as it's backdrop, I wasn't happy with the way the existing accessories in the room looked with it. The room needs to be more cohesive with colors of the white beach and cool teal waters in the print. I decided I'd start working towards creating a room that felt more like a refreshing retreat, similar to what you'd experience at a place on the beach.

While out today, I thought I'd swing by the HomeGoods store and use instore credit I had from a previous return I'd made a while back. I went in thinking I'd peruse the store to find a single lil treasure piece for the room, like a conch shell or something and it wouldn't cost me a thing. Well you know how it goes (especially if you're into decorating) My eyes kept finding items that would work perfectly to create the type room I was envisioning. As an artist, I usually only begin with a theme or simple idea and the creation just takes on a life of it's own. This shopping trip was definitely playing out like that. With not one, but 8 items in a buggy (that I got to go back to the entrance for because I didn't think I'd need one for the single item I would choose) In a mere second, as I was already having buyers remorse and analyzing this cart as 'retail therapy' my consciousness came alive to meld with my subconscious. As the revelation happened and goose bumps covered my body, I was in awe. How could I have not realized what I was doing before now?! I was creating the caribbean scene Jonnae had dreamt of experiencing through Make a Wish. All she wanted was to ride a horse on the white sands of a beach with crystal clear turquoise water. In that moment, any guilt I had about purchasing these accessories was gone. It wasn't a matter of retail therapy; it's a matter of acknowledging a gift from the Divine to create a space I can share 'with her.' The timing is impeccable too, as I'm most present to what would have been her 19th birthday this Friday. It's almost as if this caribbean room is her gift to me. There simply is NO WAY I can relay in words how much I've felt embraced by the combined presence of God and Jonnae today.

The  picture accompanying this blog was taken by my friend while we were on a walk this morning. We both stopped to soak up the SON as the rays shined so brightly through the trees in this amazing star burst. I recalled, as I stood there to bask in it's glory, Jonnae's statement towards the end of her life when as we saw the sun's rays in a similar way. She said, "It reminds me of Heaven"

I'm enamored by the glory of God, the brightness of Jonnae's spirit, how her presence can sometimes encompass me, and how today...my subconscious revealed it's plan to give me a place where I feel her in a special sweet way, encouraging me to press on and create whatever instinctively comes to me. It's a gift from the Divine.