Sunday, September 6, 2009

My Account of a Runner's High

It's no secret I don't like cardio, so all this endurance training for the 1/2 in Denver is a real test for my "I WILL NOT QUIT" muscle. The opportunity for my practice of offering up the "pain or sacrifice" of that which I don't WANT to do, up for someone else, has increased substancially. :)

The thing that gets me out the door, is I know I've got a pretty good chance of hearing God speak to me in a profound way that I'm not often "quiet" enough to hear otherwise. Sometimes I get a "call" from Him first thing out the door. Sometimes it's as I'm finishing up. Today the "conversation" began pretty early.

I listen to Jonnae's old playlist, a lot when I run. Something always "shuffles" in that I've not heard before and it's always profound with the message it brings.

I listen to songs with a "different kind of ear" Many times when I'm listening to a secular song, I see if the lyrics are words I could sing to God, or He would sing to me. .
This morning, there was a Hot Apple Pie song (country group) and I heard the words,
"Tell me why can't I get to you?
How can I make you feel everything that I do?
If faith can move mountains, and love will see you through,
Then tell me why can't I,
No matter how I try:
Why can't I get to you?"
I imagined God was talking to me. Ofcourse He can get to me, but I've got to be open to Him first. He gets to me in the most incredible ways when I have my eyes and ears turned up for Him. If I'm distracted and I'm not hearing Him, I imagine He would feel like shaking me and say, "GIRL! Why can't I get "through" to you?", lol. That gave me a little extra kick to my stride.
Then a Martina McBride song came on, (Jonnae loved her) Sometimes a whole song works as a conversation piece for me and God, sometimes it's a verse or two. She sang: (and I heard God saying)
You say yes you need me
And no you wouldn't leave me
And that should be enough to make me stay
And even though I want to
I don't hear I love you
In whatever you say

Oh I know you can hear me
But I'm not sure you're listening
I hear what you're sayin'
But there's somthing missin'
Whether I go, whether I stay
Right now depends on
Whatever you say

So ofcourse, I'm saying, "STAY! I'm listening! You're getting to me God, I promise. What is it? What are you saying?

I've had some pretty incredible experieces this year with animals and the way God speaks to me through them. (No I don't think I'm Dr. Doolittle)

Dolphins, Leopard print, and Geese, were animals that appeared to me during significant times with very powerful messages. Now the yellow finch can be added to the list. I get so excited and anxious to share these things. Some embrace their Divine significance, some are too skeptical. I understand either stance. I haven't always been open enough to embrace that God will speak whenever and however He wants to. I just give thanks that I've evolved into a being that does now. I would hate to miss out on such a cool "visit" from God.

As I've been running the past couple of weeks, it's as if these birds are trying to run with me or into me. I've never seen one on a run before. Now they are flying for exaggerating lengths of time infront of me, crossing my path, or the last time, nearly flying into me. Each time, I've thought, I should look up what a yellow finch symbolizes when I get back. Then I would forget until it happened again. When the last little guy looked like he was going to fly right into me, I laughed and think I even said outloud, "Okay, okay".

So I came in and looked up the symbolism of the yellow finch this morning. Yep! I HEARD HIM! God's GOT ME! :) They represent God's eternal love and TRUST! How cool! Something else interesting, they symbolize heightened awareness and they are NEVER quiet. lol. They believe in the power of voice. WOWSER!!! Gotta love God's "small play". Well, some would chalk it up as "small". To me, it's quite AWESOME and HUGE!!!

My husband, Johnny, doesn't normally get into such things. (He loves nature though. It's opening weekend for the deer bowseason in KY, and he's away experiencing one of his passions) I text him about my exciting experience and he said, "Well, what does a hummingbird represent? I've been visited by one two days in a row."

I looked it up and could hardly wait to text the info back to him. The hummingbird has powerful spiritual significance and is a symbol of resurrection. The part of the soul that seemed to die, frozen in post traumatic stress, wakes up. (Johnny has really been struggling with Jonnae's passing and the fact that we cremated her, but she was adamant in letting me know that's what she wanted) Hummingbird is the creature that opens the heart. When the hurt that caused us to close our hearts gets a chance to heal, our hearts are free to open again.

Hummingbirds teach fierce independence. They fight in a way that no one gets hurt. Having the courage to refrain from creating new trauma by communicating non-violently. (I'm never quiet. I fight with loudness of voice, because like the finch, I believe in it's power. He's the one that will walk out of the room to not create "new trauma" and be non violent. Pretty interesting)

Like the hummingbird, our souls want to hover at beautiful moments in our lives, to fly back and savor the past. (Johnny's had a hard time embracing that we move forward. Everything to him is about what's in the past. He has a picture of a stairway hanging over his sink in the bathroom. It says, "I wish I could build a stairway to Heaven. I would come get you and bring you home". I told him she wouldn't come back and neither would he if he knew what she knows) Maybe the healing is finally at a point where his soul will resurrect and he can move forward with me and the children.
(No joke, just now, as I'm typing this blog, he text me and said the hummingbird just came back to him again. God is so COOL!!!)
With this kind of runner's high, I'll keep running even after the marathon is over. However, I will expect God to speak to me within a 3-5 mile run, lol.
In Gratitude Always, in ALL ways,

1 comment:

  1. This post is amazing...especially with the hummingbird and Johnny. I know he's struggled and I wonder how the meaning of the hummingbird has helped/healed him?

    I love reading your comments, your memories, your passions, even your tears; it all helps me, and I'm sure others, immensely.

    God Bless you Denise and continued support and success on your 1/2 marathon run.