I'm still being quiet in the back seat of God's car...still enjoying the ride. Sometimes I read. Sometimes I dream. Sometimes I write. Occassionally I'll pick up those things that are making a mess around me. It appears this may be one of those times that we are taking the longer scenic route before arriving to the next destination on God's map. The extended duration is giving me all kinds of time to think. I'm not underestimating the power of that.
So much came to me last week during the silence of the ride. I'll attempt to share some of my revelation with short analogies and conscious effort to not ramble. :)
When Jonnae was fighting for her life (and I was for mine) I used to believe I was fighting the enemy. Donning my game face, my competitive attitude, and swinging with all my might, it appeared my strategy was admirable and effective. But in the time since Jonnae's fight ended, I've had a change of consciousness. Whether called the enemy, the devil, darkness, the storm, the mountain, or adversity - it's really irrelevant to me. More important is that instead of fight, which would also be resist, I embrace whatever I choose to call it. We are only as strong as our opponent. I've never wanted an "easy win" for the sake of a W on the score card. I'd much rather earn it. I'm racking up more points by not fighting. By not resisting. By not being threatened by darkness or afraid of a storm. Climbing mountains and seeing adversity as an opportunity, not something that will defeat me is empowering. Challenge is good, it builds character. Couldn't do it without an opponent. The darker the room, the more important the LIGHT. I am an unextinguishable source of Light. God's promised me that. I trust Him. There wasn't ever a storm that Jesus wasn't able to calm. I trust Him also. I have nothing to fear. As long as I continue to work my muscles - mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, the mountains are only going to lend themselves as experiences to build something stronger. The higher the mountain the closer I get to Heaven, as long as I embrace the climb.
Out of the blue, my inner voice guided me to go back in time to recall another time in my life when I was not enjoying the length of the ride. I had waited for what I believed was long enough, on a proposal from my boyfriend of three years. So I forced things to happen and gave an ultimatum. As a result, I can see how in the long run that decision produced conflict that wouldn't have happened had I been more patient and trusting. I love surprises. I love romantic stories. I jilted myself out of both by not allowing my husband to create the moment on his terms. Point taken from Divine Guidance. I'm more at peace with waiting on God's perfect plan now. The miraculous way He will surprise me with the growth of "Heavenly Birth" and my speaking career will yield much sweeter results than my trying to force things will.
When I mounted the stepping machine at the gym yesterday morning, the movie "As Good as it Gets" was playing. I began watching just in time to hear Jack Nicholson say, (rather defeated to a waiting room full of people),"What if this is as good as it gets?" I heard that Divine whisper within me say, "Aren't you glad you're not defeated and waiting to see? Aren't you grateful that you are enjoying the ride,embracing the journey, knowing that it's not 'as good as it gets?"
I've been like a bear, adding winter weight, sluggish with a slowed metabolism. I researched this morning to see when the bear begins to stir again. (Was just curious. :) One report said in April or May. Another said in February or March. I'm believing the latter. For I can feel myself coming back to life.
The lyrics of "Heartbeat" by Remedy Drive (words that miraculously apply to my blog here - God HUG - LOVE it!) say, "I want to wake up. I want to restart. Put the drumbeat back in my heart. I need to be revived. I want to be alive." God heard my plea and so I AM! Praise HIM!!!