Will you let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you?
Pray that I might have the grace to let you be my servant, too.
My soul was bittersweet as it rejoiced in the fact that I would forever be a servant to God's people, looking to Christ as my example yet I was being humbled by the fact that I too need the healing that comes from being served.
We grabbed the person on our other side to be our partner for the second verse. We were to stand shoulder to shoulder as we sung with our partner:
We are pilgrims on a journey, we are trav’lers on the road.
We are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load.
My spirit was being lifted as only God can do with His Word and miraculous timing. As I was singing "help each other walk the mile and bear the load" I was thinking of Simeon bearing the load of the cross for Jesus. I've been praying for a Simeon. I need help on this journey. I'm tired and don't know when that help will come, but as we tipped our heads to one another before finding our new partner for the next verse, my new friend had tears in her eyes and she said, "I don't know what just happened, but must tell you you have the most beautful spirit". I can only imagine it was the Holy Spirit, healing her as it was healing me. And we looked for a third partner and sang:
I will weep when you are weeping, when you laugh I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow till we've seen this journey through.
Val Limar asked us to share with that last partner, a single prayer request. Mine simply said he prays for more people to pray the rosary. I promised him I would do as Jonnae and I did exactly two years ago and pray the Rosary daily for the remainder of Lent. I asked him to pray for my peace, for I'm tired of being weary and unable to find contentment with God's plan over my expectations. I want my daily commitment to God to be as a blank piece of paper. No limitations, conditions, or expectations, just my complete surrender to do my best at WHATEVER God's plan is for me EVERYDAY!
Val Limar's voice truly is that of an angel. After a skit she did about Mary and Martha serving Jesus and what he had to say about his body, being the "poor". She sang "The Lord Hears the Cry of the Poor". Again, I could not contain my tears. My spirit has been running low and God has heard my cry. He knows, that NO MATTER WHAT, low tank or high tank, good times and bad, I will not cease in praising His name. He will not cease in wrapping me up in His sweet love. He is the ultimate healer, I came home feeling renewal of Spirit.
No coincidence that the next morning I went to the gym for some cardio and the movie "Love Happens" was playing at our gym's cardio theater. I had just asked the two who attended my breakout session the day before if they had seen this very movie, for it was perfect in helping me communicate a few thoughts. (Lydia and I watched it a few weeks ago and although it was no block buster, the main character of the movie and I had a lot in common. He had lost a loved one (his wife) and had written a book about his experience. As a result, he was a highly sought after inspirational speaker (the book we have in common. I dream of inspiring masses of people through the share of my story, falls as well as victories, but it's the expectation of how I thought it would happen that's robbing me of my joy. That's why the visual of the blank piece of paper is so strong for me. I want to serve without getting hung up on what I thought would happen and what is) But one thing that I told Lydia and I knew God was reiterating to me, is that I never want to present myself as someone that I am not. This character in the movie was running out to greet his audiences with fake enthusiasm. (He was himself struggling, depressed, and trying to numb the pain with alcohol before he headed out to inspire) Over the course of the last year and a half, I've been hurt personally by someone who portrays himself to be loving and good, when in reality he is not. Through the pain of that experience, God has made it blatantly clear, He does not want me to become a hypocrite. I'm to ever mindful of my weaknesses as well as my strengths. My truths are to be shared, not camaflouged with a fake persona. God has used that personal pain to show me what not to become and now in this movie He was reminding me again.
I brought the movie up the previous day, to share with my group, although I'm an inspirational author and speaker and normally am full of spirit to be the 'lifter', honestly I was not feeling like the lifter this particular morning. I used the movie as an icebreaker to share that truth. I believe being transparent and honest is the key to true inspiration. None of us need put on masks or act our way through life. We need to hear each others stories, enriched by victory, but strengthened because of the battles.
I was only going to do a half hour of cardio, but I knew that movie was playing for me. I knew that there must have been somthing I missed the first time, that I would see this time, or something that I needed to hear again. I was right.
I hopped on a machine and watched eagerly and listened intentively. Within minutes I was watching a group session on the big screen. Some of the attendees of this seminar were in a circle and the focus was on a father who had lost his son in a tragic accident. He had suppressed his anger and was letting it out as a result of the main characters prompting him. The awareness that release needs to happen in order to move forward is important and took note of that yet again, for I've been mindful of making sure that I feel what I FEEL and acknowledge, work, and move through my emotions. However, I managed to break away from the focus that the movie director/producer had created with the camera during this scene, but rather was eyeing the "extra" that was sitting next to angry father. This was one of those gifts for me, that I knew would be revealed if I accepted the invitation to trust Divine timing and see what this movie had to share differently this time . I had not noticed this extra in the movie before....who would really, but as she was observing the conversation in her hands, she held and was praying the Rosary. (my reminder to not fall back on my promise and say it this first day after I had committed to do so)
I also heard again, to begin rebuilding, using what I know. To not look in the rear view mirror so much, that I can't move forward. To not fear, but to trust, I know what to do. .....and I DO! :)
That's what transpired yesterday. Today, I pulled up the site Jonnae and I used two years ago, because I love how the pictures and reflections keep me focused on the Mysteries of the Rosary as I'm saying the prayers. For those of you unfamiliar with this form of prayer who may be interested, there are four sets of Mysteries: Joyful, Sorrowful, Glorious, and Luminous. A weekly schedule guides us to say certain mysteries on certain days. Today is designated as the day to pray the Joyful Mysteries. There are 5 decades to each of the Mysteries. As you pray a decade you reflect on one of the 5 Mysteries. The Joyful Mysteries are The Annunciation (when the angel Gabriel visits Mary to announce she will conceive by the Holy Spirit, the Son of God) The Visitation (when Mary visits her cousin Elizabeth to share her news and serve her cousin who is also pregnant) The Nativity (when Jesus is born in the manger) The Presentation (when Mary and Joseph present, as Jewish law commands, the baby to the Lord for purification) and The Finding of Jesus in the Temple (after a 3 day search to find him) With the praying of the Rosary and meditation on the Mysteries, you also reflect on the fruit of the Holy Spirit that was experienced through that event. The Annunciation -humility. The Visitation - love of thy neighbor. The Nativity - Poverty of the Spirit. The Presentation - Purity of Mind and Body, The Finding of Jesus - Obedience.
As I reflected on the Nativity and thought of Mary and Joseph's poverty in that manger and their willingness to trust and not get discouraged by lack of what they deserved as the parents of Jesus, but what they accepted with grace as their role in his life and God's plan, I'm encouraged to do the same. I sometimes feel like I deserve to be rewarded with an easier road, but realize, that's not how commitment and faith are displayed. I yearn to stay in this place of surrender and humility. I'm not poor, in material or spiritual wealth. Crazy how easy it is for me to forget. I am RICH in all that matters. God doesn't leave me wanting for anything, even when I feel poor, financially or in spirit, He provides what I NEED! My wants may temporarily get in the way, but because of faith, they will not be triumphant in robbing me of true wealth and joy.
Okay, so I may not have been able to keep it short and to the point as I aimed to. But as much as I want to share these revelations, I also want to capture their essence the best way I can. Hopefully, I'm able to do that, without losing you in the process, lol.
Better every day in every way!