Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Almanac of My Soul

A couple of days ago, one might have expected an emotional storm would be passing through. When I awoke on Sept 2, realizing it would have been Jonnae’s 21st birthday, my prediction reported only 20% chance precipitation might grace my face and if it did, a little tear fall wouldn’t be enough to spoil the gift of the day or anything contained within it.

It just struck me this morning how my life is it’s own Almanac. There are annual dates and events that are easily foreseen and come with predictions. I even have a book for reference if I want to consult it for tips. The annual dates are forever marked and result in an eclipse of sorts. (When these type metaphors arise, I embrace and use them, the best I can, to communicate a perspective being offered me.)

An eclipse is defined as a:the total or partial obscuring of one celestial body by another or b: the passing into the shadow of a celestial body.  c: falling into obscurity or decline. An eclipse is a beautiful way to define what’s happening with me on these dates. As the present moves through the shadow of the past there’s a temporary obscurity that happens with my spirit.

Today is another one of those recorded annual dates that comes with a prediction. Although tear fall isn’t expected, cloudiness is.

On Sept 4, 2007, just 2 days after Jonnae’s 15th birthday, we went in for her first routine follow up post chemo. She was one month out from having received her last chemo. I picked her up from school (she was only one week in to her freshman year) and we headed to the doctor’s office. The medical staff all came in to congratulate her. Blood was drawn. And off we went back to school, discussing in the car the huge survivor party that was going to be taking place that weekend. She had been planning it for 2 years and the time for it had come now that her 2 ½ year protocol of chemo and radiation was behind us.

The day continued with normalcy. That evening I had a scheduled bike ride as part of my training for a Leukemia Lymphoma Triathlon that was now only a couple of weeks a way. Something I had signed up to do, to commemorate Jonnae crossing her cancer finish line in victory. Once the bike ride was over, I checked my phone and had 10 missed calls. Jonnae and the doctor had tried several times to call me, neither leaving a message. I called Jonnae first and she said she was starting to freak out. The doctor had called the house also and simply told her to have me call him.

The follow up ended up not being routine at all. The doctor let me know how sorry he was before he let me know Jonnae’s blood already had leukemia cells again. He asked me about her siblings for bone marrow possibilities and let me know they’d be doing a bone marrow aspiration in the morning to confirm ‘leuk’ was back.

For all the good memories there are to associate with Jonnae’s birthday on Sept 2, and even with the gratitude I have for what all her battle with “leuk’ taught me and the gift it continues to be for all I get to share it with, the darkness of that day is forever etched on Sept 4. Doesn’t mean I won’t experience the beauty of the Son shining today. Doesn’t’ mean I won’t create new memories and stay focused on the present. Just mean’s the Almanac of my Soul reports there will be intermittent cloudiness for the next several weeks, as those memories and dates are pretty consistent this time of year.

All that being said, there’s nothing stopping me, or YOU, from looking for and counting  the blessings that are new, that await us in the gift of TODAY. So along with my ‘spirit report’ that’s what I’m advising. Focus on what you GET to experience today. Regardless of how it’s wrapped; regardless of it being what you asked for or not; simply see it for the gift it is and say ‘thank you’ Life’s surprise party is much more enjoyable that way!

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written. I felt like I was riding on a soft pillow through the clouds of your experience!