Last June, only weeks after Jonnae had passed, I was intent on moving forward and sharing all that I'd learned, we'd learned, together. I talked of publishing the journal I'd kept those last months of her earthly life. Some people were supportive; some expressed their concern, they didn't feel I was allowing myself adequate time to feel the loss. (I've used analogies of pregnancy and birth throughout the year. The comparisons are so easy and don't seem to ever stop.) Sometimes parents lose a baby and immediately try to get pregnant again. Some support it, some worry. But God is the determining factor and if it's His will, when the time is right, He'll create a new life. He's done that in me. I'm not talking about a baby in the literal sense as a human being, but in the figurative since, as with this book.
The talk of my creating a book began in June, but it wasn't until October that God "announced" to me it was time. Much like the first trimester in a pregnancy, there was an excitement that came with the announcement, as well as the question, "Am I really ready for this?" The initial months didn't reflect much was growing, but I remained in faith and moved naturally with God, the Father and Creator of this baby.
I got excited as He scheduled my first ultrasound in March, an event in CA with agents, publishers, and professionals in the book industry. The picture didn't produced the results I had hoped for. It was like those first shots I saw of my real babies. (ultrasounds have come a long way since then) Back when I was in the "baby making business" the shots weren't real clear. You could only make out enough to see there was indeed a baby there. And that's about all that was confirmed in CA, a book was there.
It wasn't until April that there was evidence the book was undeniably developing and a due date established. The birth of this baby is near and I'm finding myself very much like a pregnant mother in the last months of pregnancy. Exhausted, emotional, and just ready to push it out. lol. You think I'm kidding? I told my publisher, "When a mother gives birth, the nurses take over for a few days, to give her rest. I'm so ready for you to be my nurse." :)
I'm eager to give birth. A mother sacrafices a lot to do what's best for the baby. This book experience is the same in that capacity as well. For the miracles I'll witness as a result of them, it's so worth it, but I'm ready for this phase to end and the next one to begin. It won't come without the challenges a new mom (or author) faces, but it'll be something different and I'll be able to reclaim some of my prepregnancy life that I've been missing :)
You'll get an announcement when the baby's born, just incase you'd like to hold it. I'm anxious to witness how God's Light and Love will comfort and lift you when your eyes fall upon it, just as with any of His precious creations.
The name's been chosen already - Heavenly Birth - A Mother's Journey, A Daughter's Legacy