Wednesday, August 12, 2009

....but I don't want to!

Today was another wild and Wacky Wednesday. I do believe this dream is coming closer to being a reality.

A couple of months ago, I was getting on the elevator to head up to the 7th floor of the children's hospital (the one we stayed on through Jonnae's treatment) to get my wacky wagon and get the wild party started. A nurse asked me what I was doing. I let her know that I was there to replace the sickness with silliness and provide the best kind of medicine there is....laughter. The only side effect is a smile :)

She loved the wacky outfit I had on and the whole concept. She begged me to come to the 8th floor, which is post op recovery, and visit "her kids". She said her staff would love it too. I was more than ready to oblige, because up until this point, I had pretty much been throwing out invitations to everyone and no one wanted to join in.

For the last couple of Wacky Wednesday's the nurses on the 8th floor have been participating, wearing wiggly antenna headbands, silly hats, wigs and glasses. Today the anesthesiologist was even going around bonking people on the head with a wacky hammer that had sound effects.

The post op staff had told the pre op floor about Wacky Wednesday and they wanted us to come visit them too. The staff on that floor had not seen us before, but were eager to take things of the cart for themselves to get their kids to join in and it ended up being the best Wacky Wednesday to date. (funny thing, the volunteer leading us around had just asked who stocked the cart and how often I placed orders. I told her up until this point, I was stocking the cart with proceeds from I GET TO bracelets and ordered once a quarter. If participation continues like today, monthly orders will be necessary and I will GET TO find a corporate sponsor or establish a fundraising committee for assistance. Definitely a sign of growth and progress :)

These hospital visits are not a walk in the park for me. They are a walk down memory lane. I don't imagine many parents who've lost a child would choose to revisit the place that holds the most painful memories imaginable in one's life. There's always a lump that forms in my throat and a heavniness that lands on my heart when I'm outside, and in, the room we told Jonnae the fight against leukemia was not going to end as we'd prayed for. Most would want to forget those the void that will never be filled and things that created such sorrow....but I don't want to!

If I forget those courageous sweet sick children:

I will forget to be grateful for every healthy thing that exists in my body.I will forget to give thanks for the ability to walk and will complain about my aching back and knees. I will forget to be grateful that I have freedom and enough energy to move about and will complain about a full schedule or being tired.

If I forget those parents who feel so helpless and cut off from the world:

I will forget to be grateful for active, healthy children and will complain about running all over town for their needs. I will forget to be thankful they are teenagers and complain about how much stress they create.

I will forget to give thanks for a job and an income and complain I have too many bills to pay.

I will forget to give thanks for a good night's sleep and complain about needing to get up early.

I posted a quote in the central forum yesterday.

"Any process worth going through is going to get tougher before it gets easier. Learning is a gift, even when pain is the teacher."

There's a story behind how we found the movie, The Ultimate Gift. I'm not going to elaborate on it now, but that movie is where I heard this powerful statement.

I've learned alot from Jonnae, leukemia, and pain. If I forgot the pain, I would forget what I've learned. I would forget how to accept broken dreams and move on to something better. I would forget to not "sweat the small stuff" I would forget how to live with an attitude of gratitude or how to forgive everything and everyone. I would forget how pride, my own and that of others, contaminates a spirit-filled life.

I've been able to leave the world's way of seeing life through a cheap view finder, and have found the gift of life, in ALL things, as I see it on God's Hi Def big screen.

Abandoning the Wacky Wednesday dream and moving on to something easier would allow me to forget a lot.....but I don't want to!


  1. so glad it has finally been contagious!! you have been faithful to the call...glad others are stepping in with joy and exhuberance!

  2. As always your honesty and reflection on "what is" is powerful and moving. And now, I am going to pop over to Amazon to see if I can find the movie, The Ultimate Gift. You have mentioned it so often I am finally going to get my mitts on it so I can have a dose of what you had---many times over.
    Love Your Guts Friend!