Monday, August 24, 2009

God's 3 Answers:

"Not Yet"

"I have something better in mind!"

I read this on a plaque this week and truly, I know it will change my life. As a person who's been impacted far too negatively by the word "No!" and the feelings of rejection that came from it, I will no longer allow it to have power over me. What was once perceived as a human "no" will now be interpreted as God's "Not Yet!" or "I have something better in mind". God knows best! I know all too well, fighting against His plan, because I'm too stuck on my own, only leads to frustration, sorrow, and exhaustion.

Nearly a year ago I heard "not yet" when I was dreaming out loud. I was frustrated by humans rejecting my dream of giving birth to a book and aggravated that God was asking me to wait. As it turns out, He had something better in mind. Now, the realization of that dream is upon me. After a long gestation period and intense labor, the baby's head is finally crowning.

When Jonnae relapsed in Sept '07, I began blogging daily for two reasons, I needed to update everyone on her condition and I needed to share what I was feeling. Things I would probably not have shared in person, were purged through my written word. It was very powerful, therapeutic, and enlightening.

I constantly heard God speaking in me and through me. As a result, the readers and I were blessed abundantly.

As I stumbled and fell through my first year without Jonnae, the words and thoughts contained in the journal, pulled me back up and gave me solid footing again. Even though I had heard the words before and HAD LIVED THEM, I needed reminded of the powerful moments and lessons they contained.

I've never wanted so badly to share something, as I do the love, joy, and peace I've found through the gift of those nine months. I was blessed as I lived them, as I recall them, and as I use them to enhance my life now. Intense pain and sorrow are contained within that time period, but the lessons that came from them are beyond invaluable.

It is my prayer, that by publishing the journal, those who weren't blessed to walk the journey with us as we prepared to let Jonnae go, will be still. I reread the journal for the first time in April and have again three times since. Each time, I'm blessed more than I anticipate, even though I know what's coming.

God is so amazing. He is my source for everything. When I allow Him to be all He is in me, I find strength, as well as rest. He gives me comfort, wisdom, love, and light. I'm in awe of where I am, considering what it took to get here. But that is GOD. With Him ANYTHING is possible!

When things seem difficult please be empowered with Jim Stovall's words in The Ultimate Gift, "Anything worth going through gets tougher before it gets easier. Learning is a gift, even when Pain is the teacher."

People from all over the world have encouraged and supported me this first year without Jonnae’s physical presence. Their and your prayers and emails have blessed me beyond measure. I couldn't possibly repay you, but I’m more than thrilled to offer something back as I share this journey with each of you. It is my prayer that you will be filled with a sense of wonder and grace as your eyes fall upon yet another one of God’s precious miracles, Heavenly Birth.

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