Eventually time and circumstances present themselves in the way that I crave. I’m getting closer to being able to do more of what I love and feel called to do! What I understand and know to be true is that I get to create the opportunities to make my dreams my reality. When I’ve had enough of things as they are, I’ll change what’s necessary to move me from craving and dreaming into reality and living! I’m getting close!
It’s been an extremely painful process. One I don’t think many realize, because I’ve been guarded in my sharing. Not to be secretive intentionally, for I’m much more at ease operating from a completely honest and transparent place then being careful about what I communicate. After Jonnae’s “Heavenly Birth” when it became necessary for me to create an income, I shifted from my natural transparent personal mode of being, into a controlled professional one. As my focus became what the business world wanted, my fun factor disappeared, my writing stopped, and my spirit weakened. Switching from a no holds barred personal mode, to an all about business one, hasn’t been working for me.
I was about to write that while the past couple of years have been good for personal growth, they haven’t been good for the state of my spirit. I wasn’t even finished typing out the sentence when it became clear to me that’s not a true statement. It is because of the weakened state, that growth occurs. This is true personally and professionally, physically and spiritually. The term ‘growing pains’ was coined for a reason – with growth comes pain and with pain comes growth; tis the cycle of life.
I’ve gained a tremendous amount of insight and wisdom over the past 7 years. As a result, I’ve acquired many wonderful tools. The gift bearer of this multitude of miraculous treasure was pain.
Pain of a diagnosis, pain of a child’s suffering, pain from mourning a life no longer ours as a family to experience, pain of letting go of a best friend/soulmate/and cherished daughter, pain of loneliness when no longer surrounded by droves of people (not physically, but a presence that was obvious and proven through many forms of dialogue, snail mail, emails, response to blogs, that no longer exists) pain from being faced with financial concerns that were not present when there was a community helping us with them, pain from extreme disappointment when people I respected, loved, and thought came into my life to support and lift me, chose instead to maliciously knock me down. Pain from watching my family internalize their individual suffering and loneliness convinced no one’s was the same as theirs. Although heart wrenching and almost debilitating with emotional exhaustion that led to physical fatigue at times, these pains brought gifts; lessons, awareness and opportunities to grow. And so I’ve learned to embrace and use them. It took me longer with some than with others. And I get to work through others still.
I've been seeking a way to return to my best being, only with no desire to go about doing it as I have before. Because of the unloving, self serving leadership team involved with a program I've used in the past, and the hurtful memories associated to their actions towards me, I’ve chosen to walk away from it with no want to ever return. I’ve finally been given a creative, exciting new set of tools to build with. It’s a new season, a new game and I’m pretty stoked!
A combination of what I call ‘meditation in motion’ and ‘sacred silence’ gifted me a new game plan yesterday morning. I have Pinterest to thank for the first piece of it. (Funny, because I tweeted last week, “I ran but couldn’t hide. Pinterest finally caught me”.) As often is the case, the things we run from, often have gifts for us. Today, I’m grateful to be receiving them.
This new game plan began with a picture. A picture of two glass cylinders; one labeled ‘Pounds Lost’ one labeled “Pounds to Go” (before any of you lovely, appreciated readers interpret this is being about weight or physical appearance, it’s about so much more…read on ;)
My spirit hasn’t been as strong or healthy, because my body hasn’t been. I’ve neglected to take care of it in the same way I did through Jonnae’s illness when I had built my best, strongest, healthiest being. Granted, I took quite a hit when forced to let go of Jonnae. However, there’s a fine line where needed rest that could serve you leads to inactive living, which does not. Atrophy is the consequence of inactivity. My emotional, mental and spiritual muscles suffered a parallel atrophy to my physical when I stopped working it. I had a multitude of legitimate excuses as to why I had let go. Bottom line is inactive and weak doesn’t lead to best being or best life. I will no longer settle for less than both!
So back to the cylinders and new game plan that will lead me to the return of my best being. The Pinterest picture had colored stones representing the goal of weight loss. I’ll do something a bit different. I still move the items that represent that pounds as I shed them. It occurred to me to use beads instead of stones. I will use these beads to make a bracelet once I’ve reached my goal. The bracelet will serve as a reward, as well as a reminder of what it took to reach the finish line. (I’m going to purchase special beads today. I plan on this being a lifetime reminder with great meaning) I decided also, to attach an incentive to each pound/bead. What always gives me incentive to let go of myself is when it will bless another. What’s interesting about that, is blessing others always has a way of blessing me back, even when that’s not my intent. It’s pretty awesome how that works.
As I let go of each pound, I get to give something special to someone else. I initially established the order to include a mix of mini rewards, some to me, some to others; none of them costly, for I haven’t the funds to do that. A new thought just came to mind however, where even the gifts to me will extend to someone else. For instance, the original order had included a manicure and pedicure for myself. I won’t be going to a spa. My intention was just to reward myself with pampering in a way that acknowledges and appreciates the accomplishment. I’ll still give myself a manicure or pedicure after the designated pound attached to that incentive. I’ll just be certain on the same day to give one to someone else. If my daughter Lydia would enjoy it, I’ll share the time and love with her. (She’s not too into that type of thing) If not, I’ll go to the nursing home or hospital and share that time and love of a manicure or pedicure with someone who could use an extra dose of it. I LOVE that idea! It’s basically an order to acts of kindness I’ve been meaning to do, but haven’t. I’ve built Lydia, the boys and my husband, Johnny into the order with shared movie nights or one on one experiences they choose to share, that will enhance our relationships and keep communication open. This kind of structured game plan, will keep me excited and focused as I move from one progressive step to the next, whether it be about the building of a stronger me across the board, the relationships that are important to me, or business. Which leads me to the next exciting development.
The We GET To Organization is now a 501c3 nonprofit entity. After 3 years of running from the process, (with all this ‘running’, I should be a bit lighter, lol) I finally took the leap of faith and submitted the application to the IRS. They've accepted and approved our application. As long as I try to work out of a home office, progress is going to be significantly slower. I get to figure that component out soon, for it’s a bit of what I was talking about in the opening of this blog when I said, “When I’ve had enough as things are, I’ll create the opportunity.” I'm really tired of being alone, in the home, craving to be out in the world sharing this vision. I’ve made a couple attempts to secure a space. They just weren’t the right combination for an equation that works. I’m hopeful! I do believe the solution is getting closer! Keep me in prayer as I build a team to help me build a strong We GET To Organization that will outlive us all! I'm open to any suggestions and shared wisdom, as I'm in unfamiliar territory.
I ran across a 'pin' (for someone that didn’t want to engage in Pinterest, I must say, it’s a fun resource. Just like every other social media option…moderation is key!) The pin was a quote from Socrates, ”I can’t teach anyone anything. I can only make them think.” So there you have it…I gave you something to think about…it’s up to you if you choose to do something with it!