How Much More Can I Stand

There are times when I'm just overcome with life. Overcome with AWE, as tragedy gives birth to unimaginable strength, love, faith, and dreams.

Of course I can speak first hand. Unless I had experienced it, I wouldn't have believed that the pain and suffering of my daughter, and saying good bye to her, would bless me in such profound and beautiful ways. I've become so in tune with Our Father, seeing Him present in ways that I had overlooked, that many overlook.

What my daughter's life and Heavenly Birth continue to produce is nothing short of incredible. Hindsight revealed the blessing of the crucifixion. Would anyone who witnessed that horrific day have believed the magnificence that would spring from it?

I don't know what's triggered this last phase of heightened sensitivity, but I find tears streaming down my face several times a day. Not tears of sorrow, mind you. My kids witness the tears and ask, "Are you okay?" To which I reply, "More than!" Just a few moments ago, it was, "Why are you crying?" I explained, "I love witnessing love!" My oldest looked to his best friend and shook his head as if to apologize, "She's so lame.", he said. I laughed and said "Then I love being lame!" And I do.

I know many feel sorry for me because of what I've been through, but I find myself feeling more sorry for those who can't get past adversity to see the gift in it. We are all so blessed and have too easy a time forgetting.

My family is big on watching movies together in the evenings. I live with four guys and a "daddy's girl", so you can imagine how outnumbered I am when it comes to pickin the movie for our viewing pleasure. I reluctantly sat down last night to watch a movie called, "Defiance". I had already stereo typed it as another one of those violent war movies that the guys love and I don't. Just another lesson in how far off we can be when we are quick to judge by a cover or outward appearance. It was a movie based on a true story about three brothers. Simple farmers who were outnumbered and outgunned, in the forest on the run from the Germans, yet they led and saved a group of war refugees as they fought for freedom. Their story was one that truly was a testament to the human spirit. I felt my gratitude for the life I've experienced, the strength and protection that comes from my faith, and the freedom that we have in this country, increasing with every minute. As the credits rolled, I wiped away tears and exclaimed to my family anyone who complains about "HAVING TO go to work" is just incredibly paralyzed in the gratitude department. We have so much to be thankful for.

Today my body has declared it a day of rest and recovery. I slept very little Friday night and got to enjoy a long day yesterday. I've been on the sofa, in our quiet home, surfing the site and enjoying a marathon of America's Got Talent. Again a show I had judged as a waste of time and as a result had not watched before. There are a lot of people wasting time pursuing fame with no talent what so ever, but tucked away in the midst of them are some incredible stories that touch the deepest part of one's heart and soul. There was a trio of sisters who were so amazingly close. You could tell how genuine their love for one another and shared passion for pursuing their dream was. Even more beautiful was a couple of teenage brothers and their sister who had discovered their talent while singing at their mother's bedside while she was in a coma. They were amazing. (an inimaginable dream born from a tragedy) A stay at home mom completely won over everyone who witnessed her voice. She's in remission, after having battled cancer for 5 years. Living a dream unimaginable. She said, "When you have hope, you keep going."

I have more than hope. I can't put it into words. I've just today experienced another one of God's revelations that's impossible to relay. Sometime's I feel as if I'm ready to self combust with the realization of God's presence and masterful plan. No being can create what God's love, mercy, and glory can. I don't wish for you to experience pain to obtain a vision that allows you to see His Hand in your life, but I sure want you to experience Him in ALL things.

I'm not sure how much more I can stand. :) God is in the details. I hope you are open to seeing, hearing, and feeling Him always, IN ALL WAYS!!!

Denise